by D. Keith Shurtleff

Created on: March 10, 2007   Last Updated: October 20, 2010

As a father of eight active children, my life often reminded me of an old recruiting slogan, "More than just a job, it's an adventure". It's true that we did face some fear and trepidation as our children approached the dreaded teenage years. After all, jokes, books, articles, and gossip all seem to malign teenagers and did give us cause to fear. Yet, so far, we have rejoiced in the move of our older children through the difficult, but exciting, years of teenager hood. Part of that joy came because the relationships we forged through routines, established when the children were young, have proven strong enough to weather the storm. Here is what we recommend.

Special Nights: Assign each child a night during which they can have time alone with their Dad. At first just play games or read to them. As they grow, and life gets busier, the special nights can migrate to weekends, and the activities may become a bit more active, such as playing basketball, visiting the library, visiting a fast food place, or shopping. Let the children's desires dictate!

Interviews: Every first Sunday Dad should take time to interview each child. In the early years, it might consist of a prayer together, followed by tickles and informal discussion while lying on the bed. Each child should feel free to discuss friends, school, or whatever is on their minds. As they grow older, the interview can become more formal, such as sitting on the floor or around a table. The theory is to start them talking about life early, with the hopes that the established routine and habit of sharing feelings will carry through the later years. So far, it has worked for the family of ten.

Family Traditions: Establish traditions around holidays and other important times. Involve children in real service projects like: Sub-For-Santa, secret night maneuvers to deliver the twelve days of Christmas to unsuspecting homes, or decorating for Christmas the day after Thanksgiving. Church camps, scout camps, and summer trips to visit family are also great, and making such activities into traditions gives them staying power.

Religious Instruction: Mom should pray every night with each child, teaching him or her how to access God. Establishing family and individual scripture reading time is helpful. Even before the child can read, the parents can take turns reading the words and having the child repeat them. Practicing family prayer and rotating opportunities to pray is also helpful. Parents should worship with the children in a church setting. Most importantly, you must live what you profess to believe, for children can spot hypocrisy a mile off. Finally, be secure enough in your faith to allow them to ask questions and discuss what they feel about religion.

What's that old saying, "As the twig is bent so grows the tree." Family routines and traditions are a wonderful way to bend the twig, to provide early direction in preparation for those difficult years of adolescence.

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