by Maria Miaoulis

Created on: January 11, 2011

I try to live my life according to the Golden Rule – do unto others as you would want done to you. Is it admirable? Of course! Is it easy? Far from it!

They say that hindsight is 20/20, and whoever coined this phrase definitely wasn’t kidding. It’s amazing what you discover about yourself when you think back to past events. You might consider yourself to be an overall nice person, easy to hang out with and the complete opposite of those people who rub you the wrong way. But then one day someone makes a comment about your behavior that changes your self-concept in an instant. Suddenly you find that you haven’t exactly been living up to standards you’ve set for yourself.

This epiphany can lead you in one of two directions – you can choose to ignore the feedback, chalking it up to that person not having your best interests at heart, or you can reflect and find out for yourself. There must be a reason the person feels that way. Unless he or she is actually trying to do harm to you (in which case you should have as little to do with them as possible), chances are you did something that left them feeling upset or hurt, and they didn’t just pull this out of thin air.

A while back it was brought to my attention that I tend to have a mean streak – I can sometimes be condescending or nasty, so much so that people started avoiding me. How I never picked up on that, I’ll never understand, but in looking back at certain examples, I now completely understand why they felt that way. The ironic part is that I hate when people treat me with disrespect or are rude, but that’s exactly what I was doing! Of course I was devastated at having been so blind for so long, but rather than sit around and mope, I made a promise never to (consciously) behave that way again. I’m now more sensitive and perceptive of others’ reactions and monitor my behavior constantly. I also try to think before I speak because once something is said, it can’t be taken back.

Again, is it easy? Absolutely not. In times of stress or anger, it’s hard not to lose that control. In these instances more effort is required than usual, but it can be done.

Simply take it one day at a time, and think about what you’re doing. Ask friends and family if your behavior is improving so you’ll have a better idea of what works and what doesn’t. But most importantly, don’t be so hard on yourself. You wouldn’t be human if you didn’t make mistakes. Instead of dwelling on them or considering yourself a lost cause, just resolve to do better in the future. All you have is time, and practice makes perfect.

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