by Cindy Woods

Created on: January 11, 2011

How can you expect to have a successful relationship if there is no trust? Trust leaves no room for secrets within a relationship.

 Some secrets are kept out of fear. Fear that the person we love will find out we are not the person they believe we are. Fear of losing a relationship because we are doing something that would be considered a betrayal of our loved one's faith in us.

 When the question is posed, should a happy couple keep secrets from each other, my first thought is, “What kind of secret are we talking about here? Those who say yes are probably saying yes because they themselves have some kind of secret that could potentially destroy their relationship. Keeping secrets is in fact lying to your partner.

 Should a person who has been exposed to a sexually transmitted disease such as AIDS keep that a secret from their current partner? Of course not. That would be putting the other person at physical risk.

 Isn’t it better to be completely honest with your partner in the end, because the secret will eventually come to light, and if you have not been honest on your own, you will then have not only the secret to answer for but the fact that you have now added lying to the betrayal.

 In reality secrets are just lies that have not been exposed yet. I am not talking about things like a surprise birthday party, a gift, or not telling someone how you really think they look in an outfit. Those things are not likely to emotionally or physically harm the other person. Well unless of course they look ridiculous in an outfit or with a new hairdo and when they go out in public it could lead to being made fun of or talked about. Then you might want to actually be honest and say something!

 When I think of secrets couples keep from each other, my mind goes to thinks like adultery, gambling, drug or alcohol use, spending money meant for needs on wasteful things, etc.

 Again it goes back to trust, and a relationship without trust will not survive, in fact, if trust is broken enough it can and will kill the love that was once there. Anyone who tells you you can have a happy and loving relationship without trust is either a liar or someone who is living in denial!

 All secrets will eventually be exposed, it is inevitable! It may take years in some cases but it will happen! And depending on the extent of that secret it will damage or even destroy that relationship.

 How can you truly love someone if you don’t really know them? And how can you truly love someone if you can’t trust them? A lot of people are so afraid of being rejected, of being alone, or not being loved they wear masks, never really revealing who they are and what they really think or feel.

 They think if anyone really knew them, the things they have done or experienced in their life previously, they couldn’t possibly be loved by another person. So, they keep things hidden or secret. What they don’t understand is we are all imperfect human beings; we all make mistakes, make bad choices and sometimes do really stupid things! That does not make us unlovable or unacceptable.

 On the flip side there are those who keep secrets or think it’s OK to keep secrets simply because they don’t want to face negative consequences. Like the spouse who cheats, that person is usually someone who wants to have their cake and eat it to.

 If couples are keeping secrets from each other, that happiness is nothing more than a smoke screen, and some day that smoke will clear revealing the truth.

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