by Barry Parham

Created on: January 10, 2011

Life Irritates Art

(A bird in the hand is still not safe from The Bush.)

Tonight, the world can sleep.

Interestingly, it was the blue-stained turtle doves that finally broke the case and led to the downfall of Interpol's most wanted bad guy, George "Dubya" Bush.

And tonight, the world can rest easy. Let's review the timeline.

First, we learned that over ten thousand red-winged blackbirds in Arkansas had all died, at the same time, if you can believe that a coroner in Arkansas ran rapid forensics on ten thousand birds.

Within the hour, FlocksNews and the other 24-hour-a-day news channels were blasting out news alerts. FlocksNews cut into their fascinating three-part series on an alarming rise in cat obesity, generated a new set of we're-all-going-to-die public-alarm panic graphics, and sat-linked to their local Arkansas TV/newspaper affiliate, KRAK. ("KRAK-TV. We cover the news forwards, and, um ... uh ... and, uh ... that other way, too.")

A reporter who often works for KRAK interviewed a partially-dressed resident who was in his front yard, cooking something on a stick. "They just went crazy. Just flyin' into once another and droppin' outer sky like manner from heh-uhm. Why, I kernt bag 'em fass enough. I had to call my wife," stated the resident, a light reader who only buys KRAK on the weekends.

An alert blogger who gets KRAK daily noted that, at or near the time of the fowl incident, George "Dubya" Bush had been spotted at his Texas ranch, smiling that way he does.

Several scientists from NASA who, thanks to budget cuts, had absolutely nothing going on, suggested that the plummet-happy birds may have been spooked by fireworks, or an Arkansas bimbo eruption. Ornithologists had no comment to make, since none of these birds, technically, were Orniths.

According to another expert, the blackbirds may have been roosting for the night, were somehow startled into flight, and at that point the birds all ran into each other. As the segment producer at FlocksNews later noted, this is the kind of expert you really want to avoid.

Then things really started getting weird. A report crossed the news wire, describing a similarly large bird dropping in Louisiana, and then another in Florida (the dead birds that landed in Palm Beach County had to be recounted).

An alert conspiracy theorist noted that, earlier in the day, Dubya had called his brother, Jeb, in Florida, and had then pointed up in the sky, smiling, you know, that way he does.

One Florida non-resident (which is

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