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he told me, "but please read this article (from a medical journal) about Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. I think that is what the problem is."

That was ten years ago. My children have had to adapt to growing up with a sick mother. I have bad days and not-so-bad days; and every now and then a good one or two. My income has dropped to less than half of what I was earning in 1996 and I have no health insurance. My home is in disrepair and I am certainly not living up to the Suzy Homemaker ideal of housekeeping. Rather than cooking a meal every evening, I cook maybe twice a week, when I am up to it. I am always tired. I am usually sick. My whole outlook on life has changed. Of course, this is not entirely a bad thing. As many people with a chronic illness can tell you, being sick not only creates limitations and challenges, it also helps to clarify what is really important to you in life.

If you know someone who has been diagnosed with CFS, please keep your skepticism to yourself. How would you like to suffer extreme debilitating fatigue, muscle pain, fevers and sore throats, post-exertional malaise, serious sleep disturbances, cognitive dysfunction, and frequent illnesses, only to have other people doubt whether you are "really" ill? "But you don't LOOK sick!" can feel like a slap in the face to a person who is struggling mightily just to get through their day.

As someone who has dealt with this disorder for over a decade now, please allow me to share some do's and dont's for those of you who have a friend, co-worker, or family member who has been diagnosed with CFS:

DO . . . Be supportive and understanding.
DO . . . Be flexible about making plans.
DO . . . Make the effort to research this disorder.
DO . . . Offer assistance, but don't treat the person like an invalid.
DO . . . Value the person for who they are, not for what they can do.

DON'T . . Expect them to function at the level of a well person.
DON'T . . Imply that the illness is something they can control.
DON'T . . Tell them it must be "convenient" to always have an excuse.
DON'T . . Offer suggestions about exercise or supplements. (They have
probably done their homework already and tried everything!)
DON'T . . Tell them they LOOK or SOUND or SEEM just fine. And if they say
"I've been sick," don't ask "What's wrong with you?"

Well-meaning people have said to me, "If you would just take vitamins . . .," "You just need to come to my church, and you will feel much better," "Just think positive thoughts," or "I get tired, too, but I just push myself keep on going," and so on. Some of the people I thought were my friends have gradually disappeared from my life because they couldn't accept or cope with how I could feel okay one minute and be laid low the next.

An article recently appeared in "First" magazine, about a woman with CFS. The focus of the article was that CFS is NOT in the patient's head; that it is a serious and very real medical condition. I was glad to see an effort on the part of the publisher to get the word out. I wish more people would make the effort to learn about this condition and show support to people like me who have had their lives destroyed by this all-too-real chronic medical condition.

For additional information, please check out .

Learn more about this author, Olivia Cassio.
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