by Trenna Sue Hiler

Created on: January 03, 2011   Last Updated: October 01, 2011

Domestic violence can be defined as a pattern of behaviors in any relationship that is used to gain or maintain power and control over an intimate partner.

It would seem that anyone involved  in a relationship where there is domestic violence would be screaming from the roof tops for help.  That is seldom the case. They quickly feel isolated, incompetent, and have very little self worth.  They believe it is their fault.

Lets examine some of the forms that the domestic abuser uses to gain and maintain control over others.

Some use domestic violence in a physical manner.  This is a form of violence that does sometimes leave evidence behind that can be documented.  These behaviors may be present:
*physically forced to leave the home
*drives recklessly to cause fear
*leaves the victim in an unfamiliar or unsafe place
*keeps the victim hostage in the home
*prevents the victim from getting medical attention or calling the police
*pushes, bites, kicks,chokes or causes physical harm to the victim
*uses a weapon to threaten the victim
*harms others as a way to control the victim

While physical violence is very scary and hard to deal with, many victims have more long term issues from emotional violence and abuse. Some of the examples of domestic emotional violence are:
*extremely jealous and possessive behaviors
*demonstrates an unwarranted lack of trust
*punishes the victim by withholding affection
*constantly criticizes the victim
*expects the partner to see permission before completing normal tasks
*monitors where the victim goes
*humiliates the victim in any way possible
*controls the finances
*threatens to cause harm to others to control behavior

Domestic violence can be exhibited with sexually abusive behaviors.
*demands sex when other partner is ill or tired
*involves other people in the sexual relationship
*accuses victim of cheating
*forces partner to perform sex acts that make him/her uncomfortable
*holds down a partner while having sex

In many cases domestic violence is hard to prove. Victims have such low self esteem from the abuse that they cover up some of the things that are going on. Those who are abusing are usually very good manipulators and can explain most behaviors away.

Sadly domestic abuse is not uncommon. It can happen to anyone. Domestic violence is not particular to  gender, race, age, religion, or sexual orientation. It crosses all the degrees of social economic boundaries. Education is currently the best form of stopping this type of abuse. Victims need to be educated that they can get help and stop the abuser.

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