by Vicki Brown

Created on: January 03, 2011

The only perfect gifts were given to an infant by kings over 2,000 years ago. We’ve been trying ever since to come even close to perfection.

Finding the right gift for a friend or family member can be a delightful treasure hunt or a trip through hell with the other thousand shoppers at the mall. Some people are easy to buy for and some are impossible. My dad gave my mother the kind of gifts most wives only dream about. But she was never pleased. The perfume and jewelry weren’t practical. On the other hand, we could give my dad a box of rocks and it would bring tears to his eyes because it came from someone he loved.

Most of us are somewhere in between. We’ve always lived away from our families so we could be brutally honest with each other about what grandma sent this year. The best was a black patent-leather purse with a mirror on the front. Sounds nice for a ten year-old girl right? Too bad it was given to my ten year-old son.

Nothing his siblings received looked as if it were meant for Tim. Ours were the only grandchildren so that eliminated that possibility. The conclusion was that for whatever reason my husband’s mother thought this was an appropriate gift. It certainly was memorable. When we talked to her later, Tim thanked her for the “gift”.  To this day, we talk about that little purse as one of the best gifts ever.

I think I should be at the top or close to it for being gracious about unwanted gifts. My husband hates to shop. He waits until the day or two before Christmas and then grabs the first thing he sees. One year he went to Target and went up and down the aisles putting things in the cart until it was full. Then he went to a liquor store and bought me a bottle of Amoretto. I should have opened that one first.

I was well brought up and taught to be polite. So when opening gifts from my husband, I plastered a smile on my face and exclaimed over and over, “Oh, I love it.” Or, “A toaster-oven. I’ve never had one.” Our kids were all in college by then and I heard one of them say, “She never had one because she never wanted one.”

There are times when a gift has been given much thought and it’s easy to be gracious. Other times, one wonders what the gift giver was thinking. But, no matter how hard it may be, we must be gracious. Why? Because we are civilized. We gain nothing from hurting another person.  

Whatever your beliefs, whether you celebrate Christmas, Chanukah, Kwanza, or Santa Claus, the basic elements are the same. Love, giving to others, peace, and good will to others. We talk about the Christmas spirit and wouldn’t it be nice if it lasted year round. It should at least last through the holiday season.

Being gracious and kind to spare hurt feelings is at the very heart of what Christmas means. What good could possibly come from being “brutally honest”? Does it make the “honest” person feel better? It certainly doesn’t change the gift unless while being “brutally honest” you fling the gift in the giver’s face. Maybe that’s the brutal part. 

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