by Melody Hearndon

Created on: January 01, 2011

Knowing when to leave words unspoken is wisdom. Wisdom originates from life lessons, hardships, circumstances and being observant of our surroundings and teachers. As is life, our first teachers are our parents. We learn by observing how they communicate with one another, as well as how they deliver words, albeit gentle or harsh. What’s absorbed remains long after the last words are heard.

When we speak to one another, we use words, body language, and facial expressions many times all at once. When we observe these movements and expressions over and over, we come to an understanding of what’s really being said. Many people are well practiced in communicating without speaking a word. Body language reveals its own message.

Moments materialize in life, when the best you can say is…nothing. It’s not a contest to see who is brave enough to say something that not only takes courage, but bears a huge responsibility in terms of causing irreparable emotional damage. Words are so powerful and hurtful, and there’s a fine line between saying something for the right reason, and remaining silent on purpose. Only wisdom discerns truth.

Not only is this a lesson in wisdom, but its further lesson is humility. Wisdom and humility amalgamate as cousins. Both qualities are necessary to grow as human beings, as do both require an understanding when silence abounds. Quite often, these speak for themselves.

Have you had conversations go through your mind, saying over and over to yourself if he or she says this, then I’m giving them a piece of my mind? In your mind, you’ve already determined the words you’re going to use, so as to make your point. That’s not wisdom. That’s emotional immaturity revealing ones insecurity.

Have you mistakenly spoken out of anger? Anger is perhaps the most harmful of silences spoken or otherwise. For some anger is a defense mechanism developed after years of perceived thoughts or emotions. Does one preclude the other? Perhaps it’s a parent, sibling, friend, lover or lifetime partner? Sometimes saying nothing, says the most?

There’s a time to speak, just as there’s a time to remain silent. Knowing the difference is wisdom in its most pure form. Having the ability to say what needs to be said is not the same as the wisdom to remain quiet. Sometimes words are unnecessary. How can that be, you wonder? Silence often speaks louder than mere words.

There are moments in life when there are no words left. There are also moments when words need to be said, but for the right reason. If words determine the upper hand in an argument, conversation, or even a letter, perhaps one needs to measure the full consequences those words will render. Spoken or written, words can not be undone.

Is it more difficult to remain silent, or is silence so loud, it deafens? Is something so horrible it can’t be spoken of, or is denial how you choose to deal with the pains and hurts that life often places in our path. The adage if you can’t say something nice, then don’t say anything at all has stood the test of time. Most, if not all children have heard this in a lifetime.

There’s a fine line between knowing when not to say anything and wisdom to know the difference. We can’t control what others say in any way shape or form, but we can take responsibility for words we choose and the way they are delivered. If you choose to speak, be mindful of the words you choose. If silence is more appropriate, it will speak loud and clear.

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