by Barbara A. Black

Created on: January 01, 2011   Last Updated: January 02, 2011

As a child, I was taught to accept gifts with a smile and a "thank you", at the very least. As a mother, I taught my children the same way. As a grandmother, I expect the same response for any gift my grandchildren receive, regardless of who it is from. Why?, some people might ask. The answer is simple; it is the courteous thing to do.

In today's world, courtesy seems to have disappeared. However, it has not completely gone out of style. I had a teacher in high school who, over and over, told me not to tell her "Yes ma'am" when she gave me an order and asked if I understood. My answer was the same as usual: "Yes, Ma'am". She finally quit trying to stop me from saying it, because I would have been spanked  when I got home, if I hadn't said it. The same principle usually keeps me from telling someone that the gift they have given me is not one that I want or would ever use. I try to smile politely and say "thank you" as sincerely as possible. They usually go away happy that I have accepted the gift. And they never ask if I have used it, enjoyed it, or anything else; they seem to accept the fact that I said thank you and that I would do whatever I wanted to do with the gift.

For the same reasons, when I give a gift, I do expect a pleasant (even if reluctant) "Thank you". I try to get something that I think will please the giftee, but I may miss the target entirely. And I usually forget about the gift as soon as it has been opened and I have been thanked. That way, I don't have to feel slighted if my gift shows up on someone else or in someone else's things. I might not even remember it, because I AM getting older, and more forgetful. But even years ago, I didn't worry about what happened to the gift once it was given; the receiver of the gift was then the one who had to decide what to do with it.

Yes, I have been the receiver of gifts that just didn't mean a thing to me or that I absolutely would never use. But I still smiled, said "thank you" as sincerely as possible, and laid it with the other gifts. Later, I might re-gift it to someone else, when I was pretty sure the original gifter would not be around. Or I might pass it to one of my nieces or cousins.

A gift is a gift, and that means that you should always smile, say a sincere "thank you" and even send a sincere card thanking the person. That does NOT mean that you have to fawn over the gift, show it off to everyone who comes in, or place it in a place of prominence in your home. It does mean that you need to be polite and thank the giftee as sincerely as possible, instead of hurting someone's feelings. After all, haven't YOU sometimes felt that the person YOU gave a gift to was not gracious enough in accepting that gift, and making you feel that you "missed the boat" completely in your choice of that gift?

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