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an agency, they will usually do an intake interview and then based on that will decide which counselor would be best for you. Hopefully they will choose someone with whom you feel comfortable, but if you meet with the person a couple of times and you just don't like them, its within your rights to request that the agency find someone else to work with you.

Keep in mind, you have spent so much time in your life doing what other people want, not making waves, trying to protect the feelings of others. Now is the time to stand up for yourself and worry about how YOU feel, not how the counselor feels. Therapists are used to people not working out or just not feeling the right vibe with them, so don't feel like you have to stay with the first person you find!

Another option is to find a women's shelter near you and ask if they offer outpatient counseling to abuse survivors. A lot of them will have free therapy groups or individual sessions. You don't have to be staying there and you don't have to be enduring abuse at the time to get the free sessions. If they don't have them or they have a long waiting list, see if they can offer you some referrals to other resources in the community.

Also keep in mind that people who offer therapy have a broad range of educational experiences. In my experience, people who are trained from a psychological point of view tend to be slightly more distant than those who have a social work background. When I would say to a psychology type person "I am having trouble making friends." They would say something like "Why do you think that is?" Or "How are you feeling about that?" Whereas a Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW) would say, "Ok, what can you do to get more friends?" And then we'd brainstorm to think of ways to make more friends.

Both approaches have their place; it's just what works for you. If you have trouble finding a therapist you like, try switching over to the other side. If you've only been seeing psychologists, try seeing an LCSW or vice versa.

I would like to warn you though: while it is perfectly ok to shop for a therapist, do not make the mistake of avoiding doing the work of therapy by constantly jumping from counselor to counselor. Ask yourself if the problem is truly with them or if you are afraid of going too deep, of doing the painful work that is needed on the healing journey.

Learn more about this author, Helen Richardson.
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