The abuse survivor's guide to finding a therapist
Many people, survivors or not, don't realize that you have to shop for a therapist and that not all therapists specialize in the same areas. I think it is especially important for people who have been through trauma and abuse to carefully choose a therapist.
I have been to many different therapists over the years. I went in high school to a psychologist and then in college I went to the free clinic at school that was staffed by people getting their degrees in counseling. Because of that, I rarely spent more than two semesters with one person before they graduated.
After college, I went to a clinic that offered therapy on a sliding scale basis, and again went through various therapists as they moved or took jobs in different areas. I finally ended up with a therapist who specialized in treating sexual abuse survivors, and I can say it made all the difference in the world!
I highly recommend that you find someone who specializes in treating people who have been abused. One of my counselors in college told me that some counselors have their own issues around a certain area that they haven't dealt with or they just don't feel comfortable with. He told me that his mother was disabled and had a terminal illness so he felt like he would refer someone with similar problems to a different therapist so his own issues wouldn't interfere with the therapy.
The problem is, not all therapists are as insightful or aware of their own issues as this guy was. I have heard abuse survivors tell stories of counselors who just didn't get it, who made them feel worse because they had no idea how to counsel someone who had been molested but tried to do it anyway.
Some therapists will say in their ad online or in the yellow pages that they specifically deal with abuse issues. However, keep in mind that some therapists are just starting out and don't have the money to afford an ad in the yellow pages. There are many sites online for survivors that will help you find someone who has experience dealing with abuse survivors as well.
Once you have a couple of names, call the therapist and see if they will give you a free ten or fifteen minute interview. If they will, when you go to the interview, see how you feel with them and the space that they have. Ask them things like how much experience they have dealing with survivors, what their approach is, and just see how you feel. Do you think you could open up to this person eventually?
If you go to an agency, they will usually do an intake interview and then based on that will decide which counselor would be best for you. Hopefully they will choose someone with whom you feel comfortable, but if you meet with the person a couple of times and you just don't like them, its within your rights to request that the agency find someone else to work with you.
Keep in mind, you have spent so much time in your life doing what other people want, not making waves, trying to protect the feelings of others. Now is the time to stand up for yourself and worry about how YOU feel, not how the counselor feels. Therapists are used to people not working out or just not feeling the right vibe with them, so don't feel like you have to stay with the first person you find!
Another option is to find a women's shelter near you and ask if they offer outpatient counseling to abuse survivors. A lot of them will have free therapy groups or individual sessions. You don't have to be staying there and you don't have to be enduring abuse at the time to get the free sessions. If they don't have them or they have a long waiting list, see if they can offer you some referrals to other resources in the community.
Also keep in mind that people who offer therapy have a broad range of educational experiences. In my experience, people who are trained from a psychological point of view tend to be slightly more distant than those who have a social work background. When I would say to a psychology type person "I am having trouble making friends." They would say something like "Why do you think that is?" Or "How are you feeling about that?" Whereas a Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW) would say, "Ok, what can you do to get more friends?" And then we'd brainstorm to think of ways to make more friends.
Both approaches have their place; it's just what works for you. If you have trouble finding a therapist you like, try switching over to the other side. If you've only been seeing psychologists, try seeing an LCSW or vice versa.
I would like to warn you though: while it is perfectly ok to shop for a therapist, do not make the mistake of avoiding doing the work of therapy by constantly jumping from counselor to counselor. Ask yourself if the problem is truly with them or if you are afraid of going too deep, of doing the painful work that is needed on the healing journey.