by Lucille Gun

Created on: March 10, 2007   Last Updated: May 09, 2007

Divorce is a stressful time for everyone involved. It's a great deal of pressure for the couple. What with the emotional deflation of a failed marriage, constantly doling out fees for attourneys, and, in most cases, griping with one's ex-spouse over money and anything else worth grabbing at, it is very easy to get caught up in one's own life. However, if there are children in the picture, it is especially important to make sure they are a top priority on your list.

Divorce can have many different effects. I can't say that I can pin every single one, but there are several that I have both experienced and observed. One of the greatest determining variables in how a split can affect a child is: Age. Different ages bring different perspectives and levels of understanding. But remember: no matter what the age, they should be handled delicately.

YOUNGER CHILDREN (7 and under): Naturally, children of this age aren't going to fully grasp the concept of divorce. However, it is especially important to sit down with them and talk. Explain the situation; mommy and daddy aren't going to live together anymore. If they ask why, then offer some sort of reason. You won't want to go into particulars if some of the reasons are a little too... mature... for them. But offer some sort of reason. It will give them some sense of understanding.

PRE-TEEN (around 9-12): At this age, your child's mind will be more developed, and they will most likely know a little more about divorce. Again, sit down and explain the situation. It is important to not let opinion get in the way of fact. Parents will sometimes complain about the other and about the divorce to their children, and this is a big NO. You need to give the most unbiased account possible. Whether intentional or not, turning children away from the other parent is a terrible pressure to put upon a child. They will feel that they have to choose one or the other. Problems like this can affect them (and their relationship with you) later in life.

TEENAGERS (around 14-17): This is the age group I understand the most, as I am 16, and the divorce process between my parents has been an ongoing battle for about 3 years (we are not even close to any sort of resolution so far). This is the age in which you can start to explain in more specific detail the "why"s and "how"s of the split. The teenage years are the years in which children first begin to break out of their security shells, and form their own opinions. ALWAYS REMEMBER to handle the explanation

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