by Daniella Antelo

Created on: December 30, 2010   Last Updated: December 31, 2010

This question has a lot of controversy.  There’s not just a lot of back and forth of whether or not someone can be friends with their ex, but if it’s even a good idea?

Of course it’s possible to be friends with a past boyfriend or girlfriend.  It just depends on how amicable the split was and how mature each party is or chooses to be.

Your friends may constantly hound or nag on how it will never work, by saying, “You’ll just fall back into it”, or “He or she is just using you to have benefits”.  It may be annoying to have your friends on you like that, but really, they’re just looking out for your best interest.

I don’t think that you can be friends, right away.  Over time though, yes.

I’m sure that in a lot of cases, the, “We’ll still be friends,” statement when you break up is just there to cushion the blow or the hurt, and is not something that either party will follow through on.  Each one will go their separate ways into the night and never speak to one another again.  In this scenario, unless it’s on Facebook, I doubt that any communication will re-surface.  Even if years down the road you run into each other, there’s a low probability that a friendship will even develop.  If it does, kudos!

However, in other cases, (in which I have been successful), the “We’ll still be friends”, holds true.  Especially if you were friends before you got together.

The trick is not to force it because you’ll only look needy and desperate and that doesn’t exactly scream, “Hey, look at me!  I’m enjoying being single and on my own!”  Also, give yourself some space and allow the love and/or “more-than-friends” like, to subside.  It’s a helluva time to try and be “just friends” with an ex when you still picture them naked, in your bed.

Same circle of friends?

If this is the case, you can still hang out but avoid any “intimate-type” settings, like dinner at a friend’s house or game nights where there are only two allowed on a team.  Go do big group things (if possible and necessary), like comedy clubs, going to pubs and shooting some pool, or going to concerts.  Participate in things that allow you to have fun with all of your friends, as friends, and that don’t force you to have to talk to just each other.  This will also eliminate the chance of discussion on your “status” coming into play.  Doing this will encourage and amplify the possible success of maintaining a valuable friendship.

Different friends?

In a lot of cases, this can be good, because you see each other less often, so there is less pressure to be friends, which, in turn, can make it easier to remain as so.  (Sounds wonky, I know.  But it worked for me.)  It gives you distance and allows you to clear your head.  (Let’s face it…it’s needed.)  After a while you can call each other up for a beer or go see a movie or something and make jokes and laugh without the pressure.  In a way, it’s almost better because you’ll have more stuff to talk and laugh about because you’re not involved in each other’s lives as much anymore.  You may end up being much better friends than you ever were a couple.

Is it possible to be friends with a past boyfriend or girlfriend?  Yes.

Is it easy?  Nope.

Is it worth it to try?  That’s up to you.

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