by Mary P Ivy

Created on: December 24, 2010   Last Updated: December 29, 2010

The advantages of being an only child are often overlooked. Conventional wisdom assumes that an only child is spoiled, lazy, and self-centered. It’s not necessarily true. Many children who come from families with two or more children can display these same characteristics. It depends more on the parenting than on the number of children in a family.

Conversely, there are many children from quite large families who all turn out to be exceptional people. It’s not because they had a lot of brothers and sisters; it more likely they had exceptional parents.

Certainly being an only child has drawbacks. At times they are lonely and feel left out when their friends talk about experiences with siblings. They do not have the continuity of family when their parents eventually pass on. They have no one else to help when their parents become old and need help.

But you don’t have to look too far to find children in multiple-child families who face the same circumstances: siblings who no longer speak to each other or one child left to care for aging parents – usually the youngest.

So what are the advantages that only children have? Often they have a stronger self-image and are more confident. They have not had to compete with siblings for their parents’ attention. They have not had to live up to an older sibling’s accomplishments, and they have not had to take a back seat when another child came along. 

They may be more imaginative and inventive. Hours spent alone are not always a bad thing and many children develop interests and behaviors that help them throughout life. They may be more social, making and keeping friends who fill the gap of their “no sibling” life.

Since an only child spends most of their formative years interacting with adults, they gain skills in communication, both verbal and non-verbal. They see how adults interact, picking up insights that prove useful later on when they enter the adult world. Their vocabularies are often larger, they are comfortable with complex sentences and progression of ideas, and they feel at home with a discussion of abstract concepts. They are usually better readers and better writers. Because they are often exposed to adult discussions, they absorb facts, history, and a general knowledge of many subjects.

Only children also benefit from their parents’ time, energy, and money to provide enriching opportunities for that child.

When parents are not trying to run several children in several directions to participate in activities, they can provide more opportunities for one child. There is, truly, a limit to what can be accomplished in a day, especially if both parents work long hours or have demanding jobs.

Parents of an only child have time to help with homework, and participate in the child’s hobbies. This can make homework meaningful and hobbies more fun. The one on one time also provides an opportunity for conversations to develop. An only child benefits from having an adult’s view of things, and benefits from absorbing lessons learned by the adult – and passed on.

LIke time and energy, parents can devote more of their financial resources to one child. Obviously, the more children the resources must be stretched to cover, the less there is for each child. Even average income parents can usually find the money to pay for enrichment activities and lessons, hobbies, camps, and eventually college.

As Mark Twain once said, “Put all your eggs in one basket – and watch that basket!” Only children can be delightful, confident, compassionate, and successful.

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