by Selvaraju Lalitha

Created on: March 09, 2007   Last Updated: October 31, 2008

When my husband and I were still boyfriend and girlfriend, we did not know what the future had for us. We were not thinking much of it. We only knew we wanted a baby girl and a baby boy. That would complete our family. But never did we know that both of us are infertile

It struck us hard when we heard the doctor say that I was diagnosed with PCOS, Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome and my husband has low sperm count. These situations made it difficult for us to conceive naturally. At first we didn't know how it felt to be infertile. Now that we are going through it, it is a miserable feeling. Nobody should go through this feeling.

We got married in December 2003 and we naturally conceived in August 2004. But I miscarried in 7 weeks. I was happy and excited one moment and the next moment I was in continuous tears and depression. The miscarriage gave me hope that I wasn't infertile. But after the miscarriage, while we were trying for a baby, it didn't happen at all. Month after month I did many pregnancy tests and all were negative.

Then I surfed the internet for some tips on conceiving fast. But nothing worked for us. Eventually, we decided to seek help at the infertility clinic after trying for 2 years naturally. That's when the break through came for us. We were both infertile. I was put on medication and had some side effects. I was determined to go all out for it. We never gave up. But as days turned to weeks, weeks turned to months, we never conceived. We were loosing hope. We started to talk less about babies and everything. Our lives became stagnant and boring. We didn't have a future together. We became demoralized.

Basically, we went to work daily and return home to eat and sleep. There was nothing more to think about. That's when the second blow came to us, My younger sister who just got married, conceived in 2 months of trying. Right now, she is 7 months pregnant. When I knew the news, I couldn't talk to anybody. I felt miserable and extremely upset. I didn't want to talk to my sister or see her anymore. Then after my husband talk to me and showered me with love, I started to believe in fate.

Slowly I picked up my courage and talked to my sister about her baby and her plans after child birth. It was never easy but talking to people who shared the same sentiments helped me a lot. It taught me a lesson. That I wasn't alone in this infertile journey.

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