by Greg W Huffman

Created on: December 16, 2010   Last Updated: December 20, 2010

The best way to lose your job is to simply not show up for work.  It's hard to keep a job when you are not physically present.  Don't spend hours racking your brain trying to conceive ideas that will get you fired.  Just don't show up!

There are thousands of ways to lose your job - depending on what field you are in and the regulations that govern your job.  I will give you a few examples of people I've known and how they lost their job.  I won't mention their names to save myself the embarrassment for having known them.

♦ Joe Bagodonuts

Joe enlisted in the military and was let go for being a conscientious objector.  He refused to learn military tactics and told our drill sergeants that he would never kill an enemy soldier.  This is a definite conflict of interest.

♦ The Pillsbury Pervert

This person was kicked out of the military for his obsession with Pizza Hut Pizza.  The military gave him a general discharge for being overweight.  Old Pillsbury grew to epic proportions to the point where he could barely tie his shoes.  The reason behind his nickname will not be revealed. 

These two examples are true examples of soldiers losing their job.  Now I will give examples of people who lost their job who are acquaintances of mine.

♦ Leather Face

Ms. Face was having sexual relations with inmates while working as a nurse in prison.  Sexual relationships between staff and prisoners are strictly prohibited. 

♦ Candace Camera

Candace was of Hispanic origin and felt it necessary to let everyone know it.  She drove to work one dusty day and her car was rather dirty.  She whipped her finger out and drew a racial slur in the dust on her car.  She came into the office and reported to her supervisor that someone was targeting her by writing racial slurs on her car.  The boss pulled the parking lot surveillance video and watched with horror when he witnessed Candace pretending to be Pablo Picasso.

♦ Johnny Lost His Spot

John lost his job for bouncing personal checks all over town.  I think he thought that checks were unfinished bills that he finished by writing a monetary value on them.  He is now in county jail waiting his trial.

All of these examples of job loss are 100 percent true, but the names are fictitious.  I hope that these examples of employment failures will help keep you on the straight and narrow in your employment endeavors.

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