by Amelia Love

Created on: December 15, 2010   Last Updated: December 19, 2010

The following is true, but the person it happened to doesn’t want me to use her name.

We'll call her Abigail, because she admires the Abigail in the Old Testament who so brazenly stood up to David when David threatened to destroy her life and her family.

Abigail devoted her life to God. She went to church every Sunday. She prayed every night. She opened her Bible often. She longed to prove to Him that she was worthy to be called His child.

Abigail wasn't happy, but she sincerely believed that she was. She thought it was normal to feel so worthless and guilty all of the time. She thought it was her duty as God's child to berate herself and tell herself she must be better. This was the only true path to humility, she was certain. This was her only hope of salvation, she was sure.

She entered college, graduated, and then dutifully went to Seminary. She worked part-time as a Children's Minister in a church that she loved.

Three years passed. Abigail made A's in Seminary. She was well loved by her church. The congregation spoke highly of Abigail, of her creativity and ingenuity and worthy work with the children. They told her that they loved her tremendously and that she was truly called by God.

Abigail became ashamed of her pride in her achievements. She was certain she had opened the door for the devil to take a stronghold. She was sure that her weakness had made her the perfect candidate for demon possession. She was certain her sins would drive her into hell.

She became obsessed with becoming perfect.

She beat herself down day after day after day after day after day until....

One day....

There was nothing left of her to beat.

She woke up that day and decided not to do it anymore. She decided not to be perfect, not to worry about her sins and her worthlessness and her petty needs and desires in the world.

She gave up her car and began walking everywhere, sometimes miles upon miles during the rush of the city, oblivious to the world around her. Her heart beat a little freer - no more concerns about buying gas, changing oil, paying for that next expensive trip to the garage as yet another part broke down.

She began missing classes. Her heart beat a little freer - no more concerns about long papers, long chapters, and disapproving looks and smirks from professors and peers.

She began skipping work. Her heart beat a little freer - no more concerns about picking children up for church, minding their behaviors, teaching them the right ways of the Lord, accidentally offending

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