by Kamelia Morgan

Created on: December 15, 2010

Tiresome

I am the bearer of mine own pain, I am the hand which soothes my own sorrow; my tears flow like the never-ending river Nile; I am never quenched. I long for peace, I long to forget, instead I regret, in pain and in strain. I am hurt and there is no one… no one to hold me, no one to care, no one to love me. The only shadow visible to me is mine own. Is this how I shall exist; sacrificing my happiness so that another may smile in my stead being the mirror to my existence they are the one who truly lives; I am tired, my eyes grow weary, my mind exhausted! I wish to flee far away, to a place where my spirit will play, happiness I shall greet as I run though fields of gold, sprawl down on the ground and sleep.  How much longer shall I wait, as I desperately try to forget, the cause of pain and hate….the cause of my regret.  It suffocates me as I lay on top of my tiny compact bed, alone, shedding tears like leaves shivering in a lengthy winter, falling from trees, and clustering below. If I could just disappear into the walls I would; to seek the love and pleasure of the gift of living, as I should. Echoes of memories, is all that’s left in my young fragile mind, my life was and now is, and that’s all I can find. Freedom I yearn, to love and be loved in return, seems only a dream, a distant reminiscence. I am still tired; growing wearier; I struggle to etch a positive smirk across my battered face, hidden behind the frown lines beneath my exterior. Head up; chin up… let’s all pretend shall we? As I express amusement and make believe to be happy just like you. I bear an unvarying burden of pain from my memories which haunt me still. This vase is tainted and scarred, lost and confused, but one day the contents of this cup shall surely spill. I hope to flow away into the drains of the earth, where I will be troubled no more;  where crying has ceased and so has dying; to the place where I will finally be liberated,  unbound and able to roam the omni-verse. I shall pause, to breathe, I shall pause to remember to forget, at this new place where I am now able to scamper and skip with no regrets.

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