by Dan Stannard

Created on: December 02, 2010

I am going to say this now. I am a gay male 19 year old student of religion and philosophy. I have been homosexual for as long as I can remember. And yet still my parents don't know. I haven't plucked up the courage to tell them yet. It shames me, that I can't even tell the two people I love more than anything else in this world who I really am. My youngest sister knows. She worked it out, and I told her. She was fine with it, but there is something that is inherently built in, a fear, I suppose, of all the horror stories which you hear about 'coming out' stories. 

I have heard of people, my friends in fact, being disowned, bullied, beaten up, terrorized from their own homes and families for being themselves. And this has prevented me from being truly honest with my parents. I don't want to tell them. 'Just in case.'

If I had my way, nobody would have to 'come out', as it shouldn't be such an issue that causes such trauma. But as it stands, the society we live in, as 'liberal' as it may claim to be, still has issues with young people identifying themselves as homosexual, bisexual, pansexual, asexual, transgender or anything outside of the safe little norm that the world holds and expects. But, for as long as there are children coming out to their parents, there will always be situations of parents not knowing how to react. Well, cutting a potentially very long story short, this is how I would like my (and all) parents to react, because it is kindest on all involved. 

The First Step. 

When your son, daughter, niece, nephew, etc.  tells you, don't get emotional. You can guarantee that this person has come to you, filled with emotions of their own - fear, disappointment, shame, depression, anger. All of which are grossly misplaced. By adding your shock, surprise, upset or distress to that mix, a situation can quickly become volatile. People need reassurance that how they feel is 'normal'. And it is. Completely. Any suggestion otherwise is ridiculous. 

Remain calm, and supportive.

The Second Step. 

LISTEN! Do not interrupt, interject, tap your foot, or be generally rude or disruptive. Let the person say their piece. They have the right to do so, as do you. But one at a time please. If somebody was to talk over the top of you, while you are pouring out your soul, explaining who you really are, how would you feel? Dejected, unimportant, insignificant and as though everything you have been saying has been a waste of time. That is not how a parent should make their child feel. You wouldn't like it, so don't do it to others. 

The Third Step. 

Accept it. This is your child, your flesh and blood, your heart and soul, and this person is no different to the one who was sitting before you five minutes before the 'outing'. In fact, you might discover a new side to the person, one you like more, because they can finally be honest. No more moody, depressive, pent up teenage hormones. And a happier child. 

The Final Step (which is everlasting)

Support them. We need love as well, and the world can be cruel, cold place, particularly from the ignorant. Sometimes, a hug from mum, from dad, can make everything seem okay again. Children need that, regardless of sexuality. It's a state of feeling wanted. And that is something everybody deserves. 

I hope that this helps some parents when their son or daughter decides that it is the right time to tell them. If I have helped ONE person, I will consider my work done. 

With Blessings, 

This Witch Signs Out. 

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