by Michelle Porter Sturgis Lee

Created on: November 30, 2010

My first love was in HS 21 years ago now. Strange how it dose not seem so long ago. In many ways we think very much the same as we once had. I am not sure anymore who his first love was. I am not even sure that men think of there first loves in the same way as so many women.

Interesting how tonight I find myself in the mist of reading, and learning that I am not the only one who keeps my first love alive in my heart always. All the reasons I fell in love with him in the first place is easy to recall, as I said he is still very much the same. . Once upon a time your first love was everything. My first love was very much everything to me. On and off all these years seems we have always come together for one reason or another.

I still love him very much. He still listens when I talk. He still talks to me on a verity of topics. You name it, things that are very important even things that really are not. He makes me feel happy and he laughs when I say something funny. If things have me down, he 99 percent of the time says the perfect thing and for whatever reason, it carries me further then it could have any other way.

Not to say that we have never had upset feelings towards one another etc. One thing that keeps him so different is that regardless of whatever the situation is or was, he has never kicked me when I was down even if he was on the other team if you know what I saying.

There is so much in the person he was as well as the person he grew, the way he sees the world, people etc. He is interesting, his live, the ups/downs, things he has learned, and all he dose.

I am not always happy in a particular situation in life or how I may have handled something. Then, there he is, and without a second thought he says or dose something only he would do. He can not rewind time yet, he has a way most people do not even care to try, that makes what is tragic shift into something else. Something I can work with or through.

This is the part people will hate. I got married once to someone and Divorced. Divorced was a time that made my married nightmares a thing of the past. I was a much happier person. My first love did get married. I found out through a friend and even though I was sad. I tried to make myself happy for him. I really did want him to live his happy dream life. The thing is, we started seeing each other again. A while later, we were pregnant and I did not see him for est almost two years. To long a story for detail. Point now is we have started seeing each other again for going on nine months.

My question to myself is: Even though I can spend my life like this forever and I have no interest in looking for anyone else. Can it really workout this way? Can he and his wife live out their fairytale at the same time as I live out mine. Is he with me do to love? Is he with her for love? If that is the case then everyone is happy correct?

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