by Tegan Sharpe-Cockrum

Created on: March 08, 2007   Last Updated: April 23, 2007

You've nurtured, provided, and loved your daughter ever since you brought her home from the hospital. Times flies as they grow, from sitting up, to crawling, to walking, and talking. Elementary school was a breeze. Before you know it, your little girl is getting close, or is in Junior High! Now what do you do? Her friends have changed, her clothes have changed, her attitude towards you has also changed.

What happened? Not much really, she's just growing up.

When young girls reach their preteen years, a lot is going on. They have now found themselves in a society where there are different groups of people separated by personality, as opposed to just being separated by age. Where are these girls going to find their personality? Through their environment. Independence has now become a huge factor in their life. She's even going to start using terms that you've either never heard of or meant something completely different when you were younger. So much has changed, and parents find themselves lost in translation, and often times scared. The first reaction is usually dismiss it as rebellion, which usually creates friction between the daughter and parent. Regardless of meaning, no one likes to be classified, especially preteens.

Now, to get to the point of the matter. Girls will be girls, and a lot of their journey of finding themselves includes a lot of trial and error. As a parent, you should never punish a child for trying new things. You may not agree with your daughter's new fashion or her new friends, but it's also not your place to make those decisions for them. If your daughter falls into "the wrong crowd", for example, drugs, crimes, and sex, the best you can do is talk to them (as calmly as possible) and let them know the consequences of those actions. Telling a preteen "no" or grounding them without a full explanation will only make matters worse. The more you attempt to hold them back from an experience, the more likely they are to do it. If communication lines are kept open, you'll have a much easier time during this phase. One thing to always keep in mind is that preteens will do whatever they want to get a reaction, to be noticed. If there is no reaction, then there's no point. Something can bother you to the ends of the Earth, but as long as they don't know that, you're in the clear.

Adolescent girls especially have a hard time talking to their parents. It's not the "cool" thing to do. Their friends will definitely know more of what's going on in their life than you will, but think about it, do your parents really know what you were doing during that time in your life? Sure you may joke about it now, but when you were that age, there were always ways to hide the evidence. Just don't take it personal, and then there is actually a better chance that they will tell you more. Also, don't pressure them to talk to you, that too will cause them to distance themselves more. When they do talk to you, listen without judgement. Usually they're not even looking for an answer or advice, they just want to tell a story.

Bottom line, experience is the best teacher in life. Try your best not to hinder their experiences, but allow them to make their own decisions (within reason, of course). Overall, your daughter will go through this stage much easier and happier thinking they are independent and responsible for their own mistakes. You, as the parent, will also adjust to this time frame knowing that you are doing the best for your child ultimately making you a wonderful mentor. They may not show it, but they will appreciate you a lot more.

Always remember, they are growing up, and you can't change it, so just go with the flow, and enjoy the ride. They will appreciate it too.

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