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Libraries are meant to be places of knowledge: scholarly, stuffy rooms with rows and rows of dusty old books about things no one ever thought existed. Hence the need for absolute silence - it takes enormous amounts of tedious concentration to learn things in a library. So, for mischevious folks that like a good laugh at other people's expense, here's a short, but thorough list of things you can do while at the library to annoy your fellow scholars.

10) First, dress like a professor. The better you blend in, the more you will be able to get away with before you get tossed out on the street.

9) Go directly to the computer terminals and act like you are looking for something very important. After a few minutes, start getting a little angry, making sure to bang on the keyboard, cuss a little and storm off to another area of the library.

8) Find the Psychiatry or Self Help section. Make sure you talk to yourself a little while you are there. You could even argue with yourself. Chances are, the people in these sections of the library are either crazy already (in which case you could start a chain reaction for an exponential increase in fun) or treat the crazies (in which case, they may start following you around to make sure they are there to help when you do freak out).

7) Break out the stench factor. You could enter the library already a little stinky, or buy some stinky stuff to carry with you at a novelty store. A bold statement can be made in complete silence with the right amount of stench.

6) Bodily noises are funny and annoying at the same time. The first fart or burp will most likely make children and a few of the young at heart giggle a bit. But the fifth fart, especially an unbelievably nasty one, is sure to make most adults angry and most children gag. I recommend eating lots of meat and beans the night before for the perfect farting blend.

5) Bring your Ipod and sing aloud to the music. Terrible singing is annoying enough when you can hear the music, but it's sure to be the worst when you're singing to the beat of your own drum and you can't carry a tune in a bucket.

4) Make sure you have a head cold. Don't forget to let everybody know you have one too. Ask others for Kleenex, complain about your ailment to anyone who will listen and cough loudly without covering your mouth. Not only will you make a bunch of unwanted noise, people will cringe at the thought of breathing in the free-flowing germs you are launching into the air around them.

3) Ask a librarian for an extremely popular book you are sure they have, and then pretend not to be able to find it. Comment on the incompetence of the library staff when you can't find your book. You will not only monopolize the librarian's time so others can't be helped, but you will piss off the person that sets the tone of the entire library. Once the librarian is upset, she can really make everyone else's life a living you-know-what.

2) Stutter. Alot. Every time you speak. Folks around you will be quietly annoyed, but too polite to tell you to shut up because no one wants to make fun of the guy with a problem. Make sure you do this to the librarian too.

1) Pick your nose. Don't wipe your boogey off onto a tissue. Instead, pretend to absent-mindedly flick it in some stranger's general direction. Try to stifle your laughter when your victim darts backwards to miss being hit by your flying boogey. You could also try a "snot rocket" outside at the main entrance. This method takes lots of lung power and can be quite gross, but it is twice as funny. Make sure you scream, "Snot rocket time!" before you let loose. This will make sure everyone is looking in your direction when projectile snot comes flying from your nostrils.

Learn more about this author, Jessica Kaaz.
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