by Laura LeFae

Created on: November 26, 2010   Last Updated: March 11, 2011

Perhaps you labored for hours on end in grueling pain. You thought you were on the brink of death and just when you thought you couldn't last another minute, you tapped into your last reserves to reach down and touch the misshapen head that flattened your bladder for the past three months. Maybe you gathered your wits about you and headed into a dreaded surgery, afraid but assured that it was worth it all the same. Whether you had one of those legendary, long, hard labors or a dreaded cesarean section one thing is certain, you will never forget the first time you meet the most important person you'll ever know; your baby.

For many of us, it is unlike any love we've ever known. The doctor or midwife hands you a wailing mess of a baby and it's the most spectacular thing you've ever seen. Perhaps the crying ceases long enough for those swollen eyes look into yours and there is no going back. Your life has changed in an instant. Suddenly the longest nine months of your life are a distant memory. All of the pain, the long hours, the complications melt away with that first look. Like any soon to be mother you've probably read that waves of raging hormones, specifically oxytocin causes the mother and baby to bond. But at the very moment you'd swear it was more. Something holy, something magical. You can't imagine how any mother couldn't feel such love in an instant toward her child.

The best kept secret about this magical union is for a good percentage of women it isn't magical. There are no sparks. There is little desire to cuddle. Due to medical emergencies sometimes bonding cannot take place and has to be postponed for hours. Many new mothers feel like they've let their newborn down by not being able to have that crucial bonding time. Rest assured, bonding is not only possible but very likely. Most mothers will have that moment with their baby, but at a later time. Unfortunately, some mothers won't get to have those feelings for weeks or months.

It is unknown how many women actually suffer from postpartum depression. The birth of the infant is so eagerly anticipated and depression so stigmatized that some women will suffer in silence rather than seek help. They feel obligated to be good mothers when their physical and/or mental health won't allow them enough energy to live up to everyone else’s' expectations. They feel shame at barely being able to take care of an infant when they can barely take care of themselves. Often times the culprit is paranoia and

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