by Frances Laing

Created on: November 25, 2010

If you observe your child closely and listen attentively to what they say  to you at home in their more relaxed moments - it is possible to spot the signs of bullying - even though your child may not be able to tell you directly about their experience of being bullied. You need to know the signs. Look out for things like torn or ripped clothing. That sounds simple to do, but in reality it is a difficult and painful task for any parent.

 In her very first year at school, my daughter came home with the hood missing from her jacket. She was just four years old and when I asked her what had happened to it she wasn't able to tell me. At that time I assumed she had caught the hood on a branch or something. It was only much later that it dawned on me that it must have taken considerable force to separate the hood from the jacket and that it must have been ripped off by another child.

 Looking back I realise I was naive about bullying and couldn't imagine it would happen in a school reception class with four and five year olds.  It was only much later and following several further incidents (during which I saw the other child throw my daughter's coat over a fence and heard how the other child had tried to hurt her hand with a pair of scissors) - that I realised it was possible - that it was bullying - and that I, the school and the teachers needed to step up our vigilance and anti-bullying measures to put a stop to it. One staff member  had described the incidents as 'minor' - and I had to be very assertive to persuade the school to investigate and raise awareness in that first year.

Now I believe every parent needs to be constantly vigilant to spot the signs of bullying. Watch out if your child comes home hungry - or if their snack or dinner money goes missing. It is possible the money has been stolen by bullies. Try to arrange for lunch money to be paid directly to the school office to avoid the need for your child to handle cash.

If your child comes home with marks on their body of any description (be they bruises, cuts or grazes) - and they tell you they have fallen over - you need to be particularly watchful. It's important to let children be adventurous - and nine times out of ten it may be nothing to worry about - but you still need to listen to your child carefully and act accordingly. If you have doubts - contact national anti-bullying helplines and talk it through. If your child tells you they were pushed - you need to take further action - starting with the proper investigation and documentation of the incident at the school.

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