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Here is an hour by hour report of my first experience with Myspace.com.

3:30 AM 9/28

My friend sends me an email. Myspace? What heck it that? I click on the link, a bawdy set of advertisements pop up, and my insomniac brain is assaulted by pictures of gothic teenagers and dudes with massive six-pack ab muscles. I click "EXIT PROGRAM", shut my laptop, and go to sleep. Unknowingly, I didn't actually close the program.

5:45 PM 9/29

Hard day at work. Boss wanted me to stay late, I promised to come in early. Hop on my computer to check my mail, turns out that I left Internet Explorer running! Myspace is still on.

I check out the pictures on the cover page. There are a couple of cute girls on here! I like myspace now, so I set up an account.

5:50 PM 9/29

My inbox has a confirmation email from myspace, I confirm it.

6:00 PM 9/29

I send a few emails to my friends asking if they're on myspace.

8:12 PM 9/29

Damn. There are some hot ladies on myspace! I never knew! I'm addicted. I send out friend requests, unsolicited.

8:43 PM 9/29

A girl, (sassysparkly) sends me back a note that says "I don't know you, why are you sending me this message? Go away and don't bother me again!"

I feel the pain of rejection.

8:44 PM 9/29

I realize I skipped dinner. I take a small break to check my voicemail and watch some television on the couch.

9:03 PM 9/29

TV is boring. Back to myspace.

5:45 PM 10/2

I haven't slept all week. However, now I have 200 friends! I am the king of myspace. It's getting kind of slow, however. The interface is kind of annoying, too. I hate obnoxious advertisements that are popping up.

6:24 PM 10/2

Eric, my buddy, calls me to hang out. I talk with him for a few minutes and tell him about myspace. He tells me "You are a nerd, man. You need to get outside more often."

6:37 PM 10/2

I use Photoshop to CREATIVELY enhance my picture. Now I am much more attractive, and I have blue eyes.

(This pattern continues for the next four months.)

4:00 AM 3/25

I really should be doing my taxes, but here I am, on myspace. I have more than 500 hundred friends. Most of these people I haven't sent an actual email.

4:01 AM 3/25

I realize I have no life outside my computer. I decide to put an end to it. I reach for...my can of jolt cola...no, no...I reach for my ipod. I put on "Eye of the Tiger" and get to work deleting my myspace account.

8:55 AM 3/26

I crawl into work an unshaven mess. The lesson I learn is that myspace, while being an ugly, slow website, with interesting capabilities for human interaction, is no substitute for ACTUAL human interaction.

Learn more about this author, Aster C. Lilly.
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