by Aanya Rose

Created on: November 22, 2010

Many people ask women that stay in a domestic abuse environment WHY they stay. For many women, in fact, as many as 50% or more women, it is much easier to stay than to walk away. This is especially true for women that have been in long-term relationships with their partner, and for those that have children.

There are a number of reasons for this. It is often traumatizing for women who stay in domestic violence situations because they feel they love or are dependent on their partner, even though their partner may abuse them emotionally, physically, sexually, or otherwise. While this seems paradoxical, it is something akin to Stockholm syndrome, where the victim becomes attached to the abuser. They rely on the abuser for all of their needs. They see outsiders as intruders, and thus respect and depend on their abuser in an infantile-like state, developing a warped dependency for their abuser.

In many cases, the victim was abused as a child. This can also be true for the abuser. Many abusers threaten the victim, claiming that if they try to leave they will take the children, harm the children, or kill themselves. This scares the victim from leaving, or informing others of any abuse that actually occurs within the home.

In some cases, emotional abuse occurs for so long, the victim becomes psychologically depressed. They lose their sense of self-esteem and often become disoriented as the abuser isolates them from friends and family. If they were to leave, they fear they would have no support from family, friends, or anyone in their community. They may lack access to financial resources, because often an abuser maintains strict control over the family’s income. For most victims, they would have to start an entirely new life, which may mean learning new life skills, getting a job, and finding a new living situation.

All of this can be overwhelming for someone that is already overburdened, overstressed, and suffering from depression, poor self-esteem, and other anxiety disorders. On the other hand, the abuser is often manipulative and very charming. While the victim may have a history of doctor visits showing health problems or illness, the abuser often is portrayed as the ideal father or spouse. This can make legal litigations very challenging.

For this reason, many women prefer to stay in their abusive situation. Still other women are told by well-meaning counselors that it is their duty to stay in their abusive situation because God told them to be submissive

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