by Lisa Vicious

Created on: March 08, 2007   Last Updated: October 23, 2009

I will be the first to admit, I think I am an awful friend. I'll tell you why, because althought I may be loyal and love my friends like family, sometimes moreso; I do not put enough time or energy into building a friendship.

It's easy to gain friends, but much more difficult to keep them if you aren't willing or able to work at it.

That being said, I would hope that my friends know that because I am not putting that time into a friendship as much as I'd like to, it doesn't mean I don't still care for them. This should be #1....if you are a true friend no matter what or when you meet again, you still have a connection with that person.

A lot of people say "friends should be 100% honest with each other"; well, there is your catch 22. I had a friend, someone who I thought was my best friend, we'd had our share of ups and downs but managed to work passed them or at least push them away. When I told her of my impending marriage and that I was pregnant, her first response was, "you need to have an abortion" and "he's going to leave you".
Here was my best friend telling me something I'd not even have imagined, and I'd asked her why she would be so bold... her response? "Because I'm being honest, isn't that what friends do?"

Moral of the story, although honesty is the best policy, sometimes in a friendship you need to just be there for your friend. Find a way to explain how you feel in an honest way but always remember this:

It's not what you say in a friendship, it's how you say it!

So always treat your friends with compassion, thoughtfulness, and try, try really hard to WORK at building that intimacy friends should have.

Accept it! You may not like what Jane Doe is doing or how she's acting, but you need to accept it. When you learn to accept your friends for all that they are, you can determine how much effort you are willing to put into the friendship. Sadly, with my friend, as much as I still care for and miss her, I accepted her toxicity and we no longer talk.

Always listen!
Do not be afraid of telling your friend anything, like I stated before it's how you say it and when you get to that certain level of trust, the listener may become the advisor.

The most important thing about what it means to be a friend is caring for that person, whether they are in your life or not. As a friend of mine put it recently, 'true friendship will last a lifetime'....and in your heart and life lessons, it will.

Use your life building blocks to build the best friendship you can!

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