by Shelly Barclay

Created on: November 22, 2010

The very word discipline brings yelling and stress to mind, but discipline does not have to include any of these things (though sometimes it does). There is such a thing as gentle discipline. You do not always have to yell at your child to get the point across. You can be less than stern and still effectively discipline your child. This is particularly effective on children who are sensitive to every nuance in your voice, every punishment you dole out. Sometimes all it takes is a calm word or two to discipline your child effectively.

Communication

Gentle discipline requires open communication with your child. Instead of reacting by yelling or punishing, you have to explain to your child what he or she did wrong and then explain why it is wrong. Doing this gently means not yelling, arguing or threatening with punishment while you speak to your child. You can let your child know what the consequences would be, should your child choose to ignore your advice and break the rules again, but try not to say so in a threatening or angry tone. You might be surprised how well gentle communication works as a form of discipline. You can learn to keep your child in check without so much as a stern glance, though nearly all children need at least that occasionally.

Discussing Consequences

Instead of eking out punishment on the fly, why not try discussing possible consequences with your child before punishing them. For example, if you catch your child breaking a rule, sit him down and tell him why he should not break that rule. Then, tell him that there will have to be consequences if he chooses to break that rule again. Present your idea for consequences and ask your child if that sounds fair to him. If he says no, ask him why not and go from there. You may find that your original idea for consequences or a suitable substitute will be agreed upon. This way, if your child repeatedly breaks your rules, you can gently tell them you have discussed this and he agreed. This keeps things on a gentle, even keel.

Body Language

Your body language says a lot to a child. If you make quick movements or pull angry faces, you will intimidate your child. It does not matter if you never hit or do not mean to intimidate, your child will be scared or defensive. Therefore, your gentle approach to discipline should extend to how you carry yourself when you are disciplining your child. Make slow, easy movements, as you would when you are tucking your child into bed or reading to them. Keep your facial expression loving or neutral. It is possible to convey a stern message while maintaining a calm posture.

Gentle discipline is useful in many ways. Your child will find it easier to communicate with you because she will not be intimidated. She will know not to break the rules, but she will also know that she will be literally taught a lesson as opposed to being disciplined for something she does not fully understand. This will not work with all children, as some children are very strong-willed, but it will work with reasonable children. If you find yourself dealing with an obstinate child, remain gentle, but you may have to be sterner. Gauge your level of sternness off your child's reaction and your relationship will benefit from it.

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