by Rachelle de Bretagne

Created on: November 21, 2010

There are several dilemmas which are intermingled when a partner is unfaithful. Although each individual needs to decide for themselves, these guidelines are written for a purpose. The problems happen when no clear cut decision is made, as this leaves a cloud over the relationship for much longer than one would suppose. A relationship which is allowed to continue without the cheating aspect being resolved is a weak one, as trust issues will keep raising their heads, making it impossible to have a strong bond that works.

Appraise the situation.

It's very hard to stand back and appraise the situation when you have been cheated on. Anger is the first reaction people encounter. Self doubt is another. Often in a situation such as this, it is necessary to stand back and to ask for time to digest those feelings, rather than making any decisions while in a state of emotional turmoil. If it is possible to distance yourself from your partner, this is the right time to do it, as their input into the emotional turmoil actually makes it harder. The problem here is that those who are cheated on often love the cheater, and can be sweet-talked into making unacceptable decisions based on their sorry state. The state they are in should not dictate your feelings, so the distance is necessary to establish what road to take next.

Looking at why.

If someone cheats, it is a physical act, but it's also a psychologically damaging one. Often those who are cheated on blame themselves, and accept the apology of the person who has cheated. The space gives someone time to decide in their own mind why they cheated. This also helps in deciding whether they deserve another chance, and what conditions should be insisted upon to keep the marriage in a workable state.

Were they unfaithful because that's their nature? If so, there is little chance of a leopard changing its spots. Were they unfaithful because they were unable to discuss frustrations or feel close? This is another matter, but one which has two sides to it. They should have trusted you sufficiently to be able to approach the topic and discuss it. If they didn't, they did betray your trust.

Where to go from here.

Obviously in a marriage there may be children to consider, though the mistake which is often made is forgiving cheating for the sake of the family. Look at how it would affect the family unit to stay together, with no trust. Would you rather have children who had separated parents and a happy home, or children who

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