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Created on: November 20, 2010 Last Updated: November 21, 2010
Y’all fat people out there have a great chance to lose weight on maah God’s Guilty Diet which has helped thousands of people all over the world to turn their bodies into a temple. Aah used to be a sinner till God called and told me to find disciples to God’s Guilty Diet, and aah’d like to offer y’all the chance to become a faithful vessel too.
Y’all know God loves thin people more and the Bible says gluttony is a sin. Maah diet will inspire y’all to become as thin and attractive as me. Aah have the perfect credentials to inspire y’all to lose weight as aah may be stick thin now, but before aah struggled with my weight and lost one whole pound on this diet. Now aah got the biggest hair y’ever all saw and real good fashion sense.
For just $299 you can buy God’s Guilty Diet kit and join the cult. Each kit contains one Gideon hotel room Bible pilfered from maah days as a sinner; one glorious life size cut out cardboard figure of me; 3 inspirational audio cd’s of me talkin; and a bottle of maah patented unique diet drink formula powder to add to yor water; and one God’s Guilty Diet book cookbook with great ideas of things to add maah diet drink formula to.
Maah special formula is guaranteed to make you lose weight as y’all won’t be eating any food. This’ll give y’all the chance to tithe more money to the Church of God’s Guilty Diet. What makes maah faith based diet different from all the other faith based diets around is aah don’t care if y’all atheists, agnostics, Methodists, Muslims, Evangelists, Buddhists, Jewish or Catholic. As long as y’all fat, can afford to buy maah kit, and want to learn how to lose all that weight without exercising, this Diet will make y’all feel too guilty to eat.
Y’all can start your own Gideon study groups and weigh in together. This is real motivational. Maah Gideon group leaders can get a 2% discount on the price of the God’s Guilty Diet kit and front pew seats in the Church of God’s Guilty Diet. Aah’ll even autograph maah cardboard cutout for maah top recruiters.
Not only will maah diet make you thin and gorgeous with real nice hair too, it will cure all diseases. Aah can testify to that as aah had the most gruesome, hideous, unsightly broken false finger nail, and maah diet cured it. Maah disciples tithed enough money to get me a real good manicure done. Aah also got God in maah hair.
Y’all can read other testimonials of miraculous cures on maah website www.God’sguiltydiet, as well as visiting maah online store with your credit cards. Aah have a nice range of audio inspirational cd’s and aah wear a different outfit on every cover. Aah also sell t shirts saying God’s Guilty diet disciple, weight loss earrings and flagellation sticks for when you break the diet.
Y’all should know that if anyone says they don’t lose weight on this diet aah’ll sue y’all, if you’ve any money left after tithing it to maah Church. Join maah cult now and become a God’s Guilty Diet disciple and aah’ll inspire y’all to lose weight, get real nice hair and be real guilty about eating.
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