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abused, yet who have still managed to carve themselves a wholly acceptable and dignified life. What then? How do we stereotype them to make them fit into a scientific box?

Are they an anomaly? A freak' of nature? An exception to the rule? Or are they, like most people, conscious of the fact that they too have a choice. A choice between right and wrong, the high road or the low road. Do they have a knowledge of the fact that it is these choices which shape us, mold us and determine our direction, the road we will take.

I live with a husband who was abused from birth and watched his mother being beaten into a coma and a sister who was sexually abused from the ages of 4 till 12. Both of these are what child experts would label high risk'. That is they are at high risk of copying the same deviant behavior that was modeled to them as children.

Yet I tell you, I live with a husband who is loving and kind and never raises his voice to me in anger. I have lived with him for over 7 years and not once has he treated me in any way except as a princess. When I am around him I feel like the most special person in the room. My sister works 3 days a week with girls from the local high school. She tells them how beautiful they are and helps them to discover their self worth. I have girls as young as 10 ringing to talk to her to discuss their latest trauma. She will sit there and quietly listen, being there for them in a way that many have never had before.

However, I also have a brother in law. He sits in jail waiting for parole on the second lot of charges that have been laid against him.

The difference? It is the choices they have made, the actions that have followed those choices and the ability to accept responsibility. When a family doesn't provide you with a sense of belonging, when there is no support, no love there is still always choice.

Learn more about this author, Carolyn Ferrando.
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