by The Only Sparkle

Created on: November 18, 2010

I am single.  No one told me about another way to live.  At least, not from the world that I have seen.  I guess that I grew up in isolation.  People honestly freak me out.  I am okay by myself really.  It's not that I am afraid of getting hurt.  It is that I know that I will be hurt.  I am sorry if you disagree.  In my case, it is always true.  There have been a few guys who I thought cared about me.  In my heart, I think that they really did.  And yet, here I am.  Still single.  Still single because somewhere along the way, the one who thought I was adorable, interesting, and soft, turned his back.  Just like that.  Walked out the door.  I thought that he was wonderful.  I thought he felt the same about me too.  Maybe he did.  Still, he left me to hurt. 

Honestly, it is not just I that feels this way.  My male friends feel the same.  The gender and sex do not matter.  We have no choice really.  Maybe we fantasize about a fling.  Who doesn't really.  Still, I know.  That I can deal with the world much better without another person in it.  At least, not anyone who has come my way.  I do know about the law of attraction.  I do.  Trust me.  I.  I am not attracting this.  I did nothing to deserve the hurt that I have had to deal with in my life.  And for what.  I am like a cute little plaything to so many guys out there, and women too mind you.  And you know what.  I don't care.  I love so much in my heart.  I do.  And yet.  I am loved, and then thrown away.  I honestly don't feel like I will live to see the light of love's day.  I wake up every morning to the same plain world.  I know that my heart feels so many colors.  And yet, here I am, single.

Even though I am convinced, certain, of my reasons as to why I am single.  Others have surely voiced their opinions.  I am too special.  I have a gift that has allowed others to cherish me and my body this way.  While it all sounds great in text, it is more than a pain in real life.  To think that I am so special that I have become an object of experimentation of all sorts.  Thank you not.  I rather not play.  You know.  My friend.  I am still single not by choice.  I promise you.  I am still single because I am just a bunny.  A sweet little rabbit.  One that is adored in the fields, and sentenced to a life in a cage.  I live in isolation.  I rather not be around anyone.  For the ones that come into my world hurt me.  I am alive.  I feel the pain as he grabs my head.  I try to wriggle free.  I cannot move from his force.  I have seen others break their necks in attempts to just breathe.  And you know what.  The needle does get stabbed in my eye.  These eyes of mine are so beautiful.  And yet.  They are not allowed to see the love that I feel.  For soon.  I will go blind.  And soon.  My number will be documented.  Another case.  Maybe when my heart stops, I will get to be with someone.  Maybe we will burn together.  Perhaps that is passion.  I am single because I am an animal in a research lab.  I am single because I do not know of another way to be.  I am single because my screams are behind doors.  I am single because my universe is but a room, and the safest place for me to be is the farthest corner away from humanity.

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