by Matt Lipford

Created on: November 15, 2010

The Trauma of November the 1st

(or: ‘Twas the Month before Christmas)

 November 1st, 2010 @ a large, mega grocery store:

 The sweet taste of Halloween chocolate hadn’t even melted fully away from my tongue before the assault began.  Ok, so maybe using the word “assault” is a little too strong.  Yet, in a way, I do feel assaulted.  Consider this: I wheel my shopping cart past the bare-bone shelves of clearance-priced jack-o’ lanterns, cheap costumes, and ten-pound bags of candy corn all sitting there like forlorn holiday rejects.  Then I turn my cart around the next corner, only to be smacked in the face by the bristly wire-brush limbs of an artificial Christmas tree.

Suddenly, everywhere I look, I notice that the scary ghosts and glowing pumpkin heads that had so recently haunted these aisles have been completely replaced by the rosy, cheerful face of Mr. Claus and his merry band of elves.  It’s almost like a coup. I stare in awe of the store-wide transformation.  The shelves bulge with snowmen, brightly-colored wrapping paper, and all manner of shiny ornaments.  Entire aisles are now bristling with lights, stockings (hung with care), images of Ol’ St. Nick, and all those annoying toys that relentlessly sing cheerful Christmas songs with mechanical, bobbing heads and stiff limbs.  (And of course, there is that inevitable little boy who is pushing all the buttons while running down each aisle, creating an ugly cacophony of discordant Christmas melodies.)

What happened to Thanksgiving?  It is only November the 1st!   But what then to my wondering ears do I hear?  Christmas music.  Christmas Music?  Being pumped through the grocery store’s invisible sound system?  It’s the first of November!  Shouldn’t we concentrate on one holiday at a time?  I mean, I can accept that the day after Thanksgiving is the “busiest” shopping day of the year (though even this seems to be a desperate act of a capitalist society), but November the first?  I seem to remember a much different Thanksgiving in my youth.

Why, when I was a boy, my household used to relish the mellow, earthy orange and yellow tones of autumn decorations and their promise of a huge and satisfying meal.  Candle holders ringed with porcelain leaves would be set out, as if to remind us to pause—to take it easy.  Don’t

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