by Corky Lyn

Created on: March 07, 2007   Last Updated: May 14, 2007

A Girl, a Cart and a Coupon
True Tales from the Aisles of Cheese

Today I awoke with the tingling feelings of excitement. No. My husband was not kissing my neck, even better!

The day had finally arrived! The Grand Opening of a new supermarket in my hometown and I was feeling all a flutter. No longer would I be forced to shop in a dingy old store with dust covered can goods, and a pathetic display of wilting lettuce. I would soon have choices. I would have room to maneuver my cart around the dairy department where I could peruse the stunning assortment of cheeses and spreads. There was to be *gasp* five aisles of frozen food goods. I was nearly faint with the prospect of all that processed food. Gearing up for this grand adventure, I had methodically emptied my freezer of all its unnecessary items. Who needs frozen bags of peas and ice cubes when you can have 5 different varieties of Hot Pockets?

After sending the kids away with their Grandma, and promising that I would buy them some real cereal, not the generic Frosty O's, I grabbed my list and out the door I went.

I'm in my car, practically jumping in my seat, rubbing my hands over my brand new check cashing rewards card. It is so new, and sparkly. I feel an inkling of pride; I am a member of this establishment! I can save 1 percent on my food bill! I can't wait! Nothing can spoil this for me!

The moment has finally arrived, and I am at the stop light- just about to enter the parking lot. I take a moment to collect myself. It won't do to appear too excited; they may not let me in if I appear too crazed. It is my understanding that there is also pharmacy here, and I wouldn't want them to think I'm a doped up junkie looking to score some cough syrup in bulk.
So I school my features into a look of boredom, but on the inside I'm as giddy as a school girl.

I turn the corner and all of a sudden I can't breathe. All the air leaves my lungs.

What the heck is everyone doing here? There is no place to park. People are screaming and pointing and gesturing over the one free spot, located a half a mile from the entrance. Children are running wild in the parking lot, climbing on carts, wailing and screaming, BUT I WANTED CANDY! NOT FAIR. I HATE YOU! Mothers are secretly pinching their kids, and pulling them out of the way with a tight lipped, teeth grinding grimace.

Other people are wandering around scratching their heads, looking for their cars- calling each other on their cell phones shouting- did you find it yet? or Yes-I'm certain

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