by Judith Willson

Created on: November 09, 2010   Last Updated: November 14, 2010

When you have got a jerk on your Christmas gift list you probably don’t want to be buying them something beautiful and chosen with love.  You also don’t want to be spending your hard earned cash on something expensive the jerk probably won’t even appreciate. 

The problem is, you have to give them something.  Perhaps they are on your list because you are related, you live next door to them, or work with (or, worse, for) them.  Whatever the reason, there are plenty of gifts that will give you lots of satisfaction and hopefully annoy the twerp, without being so obvious the jerk can take delighted offence.

Virtual gifts

The single best solution to the jerk gift quandary is to not in fact give them anything, but instead send the money to a far more deserving cause.  Charities are aware of this problem and provide lots of symbolic adoption and sponsorship packages.  Your jerk gets a nice certificate, and the charity gets much-needed funds. 

The jerk cannot possibly object to such a gift without looking very mean.  However they will not be in the least pleased that a struggling family got some chickens while they got a piece of paper.  Generosity is not a quality often seen in jerks.  This is a win-win gift – money goes to a good cause, the jerk is irritated, and you are seen as a generous, kind spirited and thoughtful person.

Recycled gifts

Jerks are the perfect recipients for re-gifts.  Then you won’t have the frustration of spending money on somebody you don’t like, and you can do your bit for the planet at the same time.  Ideally choose an apparently nice gift that is just slightly wrong for them.  For example if they like dry wine re-gift them a nice bottle of sweet.  You’ve given the jerk a present they can’t complain about, yet won’t like, and all without spending a penny. 

Gifts for their family

Most jerks have families.  And the chances are their families are not nearly as obnoxious as they are.  This means you can provide a gift that is clearly for the whole family, rather than a treat for the jerk.  You’ll feel much happier giving something their long-suffering spouse, children and pets will enjoy, rather than them.  Good options are cakes, puddings, food baskets and board games. 

If you want to get in a subtle dig then ensure most of the treats are for other members of the family.  For example if your jerk doesn’t like chocolate then make a gift basket filled with chocolate cakes, chocolate cookies, chocolates, chocolate liqueur, some biscuits for the dog, a carrot for the rabbit, and one tiny packet of peanuts for the jerk.

Most problems have a solution and needing to buy a gift for a jerk is no exception.  You don’t have to spend the money you worked so hard for on something nice for them.  In fact you don’t have to actually buy the jerk anything, just make it look as though you did.  You can have a lovely Christmas knowing that either somebody or something who deserved a gift got one, or you did a clever bit of recycling.  Either way nothing is wasted on somebody too obnoxious to deserve it.

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