by Kathleen Murphy

Created on: November 07, 2010

The assignment is to name ten things you can do in the library that will really annoy the other patrons.  But I can't imagine how I would do that.  I always behave with consideration and perfect decorum at the library.

Of course the first thing one needs to do at the library is select a book, and for that I always consult the librarian for directions.  Everyone in the library tends to whisper, and what if the librarian is slightly hard of hearing?  So I feel it's more considerate to ask for help in a loud voice.  "Do you have anything on growing skunk cabbage?"  Then I want to clarify the directions, so I won't have to bother her again.  "Where is it?  Where?  Over where?  Which way?"

The library is huge and confusing, but I ask other patrons, too, and after
stopping ten or fifteen of them, I find the skunk cabbage section at last.  So there's no need to visit the card catalog and make noise opening and closing the drawers.

I have my book, and I don't have air conditioning at home so I think I'll read it right here, at one of these nice clean tables.     

Now when I read I like to snack.  I especially like to have a large bag of ruffled potato chips, the ones that make a big satisfying crunch.  Fortunately, I've brought one.   As I settle down with my book, I rip the bag open and begin stuffing them in. Crunch, crunch, crunch!  If anyone comes by, I'm always glad to share them.  Oops, I got salt and oil on the pages, but not very much.

Of course chips are very salty, so I brought a can of soda as well.  I don't want to spill it in the library, so I slurp it carefully.  Sluu-urp!

The book on skunk cabbage turned out to be not nearly as interesting as I thought it would be.  But here I am with almost a full bag of chips and a can of soda, that I have to leave in order to find another book.  So I call over to the man at the next table, "Excuse me, would you watch my chips and soda while I look for another book?"

He looks up from his paper and says, "What?"

I say a little louder, "Would you please watch my chips and soda for a minute?  You're welcome to help yourself to some chips."

He gives me a glare which I interpret as a yes, so I take the skunk cabbage book and head for the shelves.  

Unfortunately I've completely forgotten where I got that book, so I shove it into the Biography section between Annenberg and Attila the Hun.  I never leave books laying around on the tables.  

With no book to read, I return to my table, finish my chips and soda, and then pull out my Game Boy for a quiet game.  Blip, blip, bloop, bloop, bloop!

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