by John Conrad

Created on: March 07, 2007   Last Updated: May 09, 2007

Disclaimer: The only reason I wrote a review for such a poor film is to warn others before they unknowingly waste ten dollars of their hard earned money on this schlock.

I can't remember the last time I walked out of a movie, usually even if its bad I feel compelled to stay. I paid my ten bucks, I've been here for an hour, and I just feel obligated to see it through.

Unfortunately the latest "comedy" from writers/directors Jason Friedberg
Aaron Seltzer, who co wrote the Scary Movies (all of which I thoroughly enjoyed) and wrote Date Movie (which definitely wasn't that good), fails to deliver on just about every level.

I didn't walk out of this movie, but think I should have. I wanted to like three times, but just kept telling myself it would get better. It didn't!

The movie starts out introducing a group of four orphans as they each find a golden ticket, winning them a trip to Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory with the promise of an epic adventure. Once there however, they realize Wonka planned to use them as ingredients in his candies.

So the four escape through a magic wardrobe into the mystical land of Gnarnia. In this land they find they are all related, and destined to rule. However the "White Bitch" (that's about as clever as the movie gets), has other plans and orders her minions to stop them.

Along the way this movie spoofs such films as: The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Borat, X-Men, Superman, Pirates of the Caribbean, Nacho Libre, James Bond, and The Da Vinci Code (among others).

Will they succeed, or will the White Bitch rule Gnarnia forever? Who freaking cares?

This movies plot was so weak and terrible; it makes one wonder how they came up with it. It seems they thought of every recent movie they could have and mashed them together any way they could.

Whatever they did, it definitely didn't work. This movie wasn't the least bit funny; I think I laughed once (about an hour into it).

None of the actors stood out in the film. Kal Pen was wasted in another role, and is starting to become synonymous with bad movies (Van Wilder 2 and Son of the Mask). Also, Jayma Mays was obviously trying to rip off the comically stupid previous performances of Anna Farris (who was great in all the Scary Movies).

The only redeeming quality of this movie was set design. The powers that be did a good job replicating the chocolate factory, Narnia, and Captain Jack's boat. Yet, once again, this is the only thing they did a good job on.

Other than that, this movie just plain sucks. I recommend no one go see this movie. I give it star out of four, and would rather gouge my eyes out with a spoon than sit through this piece of crap again.

Learn more about this author, John Conrad.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.