by Julius Albert Custodio

Created on: November 07, 2010

Finding the good in people is like digging into the deepest end of a bag of potato chips just to find that lone crumbled piece with the most flavor. It may require patience and focus but sometimes it's worth the trouble.

Before you can even think about finding the good in people, you must first have an open mind. You can't stay prejudiced then say that you're set and ready to find the good in people. People are complex creatures and they cannot be classified simply as "the good ones" and "the bad ones". There will always be gray areas, shades of brilliance, hues of nastiness.

Some will say it's easy: Just look at the person's good traits and put all your focus there. Sadly, it's really not that simple.

Yes, it's true that trying to focus only on the positive may help but sometimes, it could also be an exercise in futility. There's a fine line between finding the good in people and leading yourself to false notions of a person's innate goodness. How then can you actually find the good in people without falling into the pit of tricking yourself?

You can start by putting all of your focus on the gray areas: those things about a person that you consider neither good nor bad.

As you are focusing on these gray areas, try to see if you can make it lighter until you find that semblance of a good trait. Of course, you don't have to force yourself into finding that lighter spot. A person has many gray areas anyway so if you can't find the good trait in one area, you can always focus on another.

Take for example, a person's manner of speaking. It's a trait that you haven't really noticed before, thus you can use it as your gray area.

With this particular trait, you can then think about how the person deals with other people as he speaks. Has he been respectful? Does he use words that convey strong opinions in such a way that they don't offend anyone? Does he stop talking and actually listen when other people speak? Those questions can lead you to a good trait or a bad trait. If it's the former, then congratulations you found the good in the person. If it's the latter, then you just have to find another gray area.

Finding the good in people can be really tiring and at the end, you might just give up altogether. The thing is, you have to firmly believe that everyone has a redeeming factor stashed somewhere in their being.

The difficulty in finding this redeeming factor though will vary from person to person. Sometimes, you have to scour through layers of horrible traits and undesirable habits just to see that tiny bit of good in them. Sure, it may not ultimately change the way you look at the person but at least you've seen what could have been a better person if not for a brief moment.

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