by Elizabeth M Young

Created on: November 04, 2010

The following phrase sounds absolutely stupid on first hearing it: "I killed him because he disrespected me!"

Disrespect is a common excuse from violent criminals, especially in ethnic gangs, who kill with ease and with no remorse or conscience. They cannot excuse themselves by any legitimate sense of judgment or socially acceptable cause, so they cite "disrespect" as a reason for their crimes.

Good manners help us to stay alive, to get good service, to advance in our careers and to make others feel better or do better.

There are hierarchies and social orders, usually with women and children at the bottom of the pile, in gang societies. There are ways of showing those who assign themselves the top roles and entitlements that they are respected. Even the police will show more respect to a known killer and drug lord than they will to a medical doctor who they pull over for driving while black. They live in fear of the power of those who can start drug wars that can encompass a whole state and go on for weeks, causing hundreds of deaths.

Good manners dictate not disrespecting others, no matter how justified we think that we are.

Manners have their source in violent societies where the powerful must be given signs of respect for their power, or where the consequences can be deadly, even horrific. Shaking hands, with the right hand, began as a way to demonstrate that there were no hidden knives or weapons in the most dominant hand.  In some cultures, the right hand is used to wipe after defecating and to use that hand to touch another person is rude beyond belief.

Good manners dictate finding out about the customs and behaviors that are most important, learning them and doing them, no matter where we are in the world.

Some manners originated in schemes to control people's behavior. The American style of cutting meat with the knife in the right hand, putting down the knife, transferring the fork to the right hand and so on is believed to have prevented people from overeating. When living in Europe, however, such style is greatly frowned upon and many Americans who are there for the long term change to the Euro style. Upon return to America, there is disapproval of eating in the Euro style and it all begins again.

Good manners dictate that we must eat in the style of everyone else. Efficiency in eating leans us toward the Euro style.

Some manners originated in the worlds of the powerful, pampered and insanely rich, as with the royal courts. The residents had

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