by Cristina Olvera

Created on: November 04, 2010

Who am I?  That’s a good question.  My outward appearance shows a healthy woman carrying a few extra pounds.  Some may view me as lazy because I don’t go out and I don’t appear as ambitious as they are.  While it seems that who I am is clear when you see me from afar, you have no idea because I ask myself everyday, who am I?

Those people who are quick to judge, only can see what’s happening on the outside.  They are oblivious to the battle taking place inside of me.  It’s Fibromyalgia versus me and it’s attacking me relentlessly, but yet I put a smile on my face and continue on with my day.  Everyone sees me when all is going well, but they don’t see when I cry myself to sleep.  They’re not there when I’m sitting and staring at my medication, wondering if I take it all can I make this all go away.  So who am I?  I’m still not sure, but Fibromyalgia is a part of me.

Eight years of marriage and now it’s all down the drain.  The struggle and the strife were suffered in vain.  The happiness and laughter left no idication of the trouble that would come.  He says he loves me.  What a joke.  Love doesn’t destroy, like he’s destroyed me.  I had my life figured out and now I have to start over.  I’m lost, confused and afraid.  Is this who I am?  I would like to believe not.

When I wake-up in the morning I try to put on smile on my face.  I take everything that is negative and I try to put a positive spin on it.  I hold my head up high even though sometimes I think it would be easier to die.  I love to laugh and have fun even though sometimes I get moody and want to be left alone.  I have a big heart and I love to love, but if you make me mad, you’ll see a whole different side of me.  I don’t get mad easy, but when I do it’s hard for me to calm down.  I’m crazy goofy and will say the weirdest, most random things.  Most of the time you won’t understand me, but this is all part of who I am.  I’m funny, complicated, insecure, happy, sad, crazy and I’m perfectly fine with that.  I am who I am and that’s all I can be.

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