by Amanda Kasper

Created on: November 03, 2010

Still single at 30.  Average life.  Here I am 30 and still single. What I find annoying that I will never admit to is it only really bothers me when a well meaning person inquires, "What's wrong with you?  You're pretty."  To which I shrug, smile, and reply "haven't found the right one yet."  There is no need at this point in rehashing all the dating nightmares.  Nor is there a point in getting personal and sharing that although I love my life I some times wonder even to myself; what's wrong with me.  Am I not pretty enough?  Entertaining?  Intelligent?  Socially Inept?  Maybe I'm not meant to be with any one is my frequent conclusion.  When you cannot even imagine yourself in a relationship it all seems pretty hopeless. Long term relationship for me has meant it lasted six months but when asked by anyone the length of my longest relationship I am sure add at minimum one year to that total.  Anything less would have me appear to be some kind of loser freak unable to fit into society in my opinion. 

I've long ago stopped reading books offering dating advice of any kind.  Tried on-line dating a time or two but I chicken out before we meet.  Blind dates I've had many.  After I was the set up with my pastor's nephew I've vowed not another blind date can I muster through.  That was a silent comedy as we awkwardly exchanged pleasantries the first date and went as far as trying for a second.  The second was complete silence which I couldn't end soon enough as I was the one driving and he lived in a different town. 

I've concluded I'm different.  Dating and relationships I must not be cut out for.  I'm difficult and opinionated and most importantly I'm willing to walk away from anyone I feel will harm me emotionally, mentally, or physically.  I am coming to terms with being single and if single is my lot in life I am finally going to embrace it.  After all I'm 30 with no attachments.  I should feel so lucky and free.  I'm putting together an adventure binder to help me fully embrace this single life.  A binder full of challenges to face while young and free.  College degrees, chasing dreams, perhaps champagne on the cruise deck out at sea.  Sky diving or white water rafting?  I plan to let my imagination lead me.

Thirty and still single but I'm going to love every minute of being me.

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