by D.L. Cade

Created on: November 02, 2010

A "Y" chromosome is a funny thing, and by funny I mean dangerous, and by thing I mean thing that makes you say things you should probably keep to yourself. You see several days into the not so distant past I was accosted - yes ladies and gentlemen... accosted - by a lady friend of mine who was quick to tell me that the X chromosome is much larger than the Y and therefore her and her genetically Y-less brethren were all clearly superior to me. It was at this point that my offended Y chromosome pulled at it's leash and yelled out - through the vehicle of my mouth mind you - that each of her precious cells only has one active X chromosome and therefore the genetically superior persons in that particular room at that particular moment were the ones who can turn any given tree into a bathroom without much effort on their part. This is when I was slapped, and therein lie the pros and cons of having a Y chromosome.

The ladies in the world could not possibly understand what it's like constantly dealing with the compulsion to say inappropriate things at the completely wrong time, and yet it's a burden we bear proudly. Sure the driving gene has been found on the Y chromosome, sure the logical, reasonable and anti-overemotional genes have all been discovered just a little further down the chromosome. Fewer are aware that the loud-mouth gene and it's closely related cousin the "never call back" gene are just a stones throw away on the same row. These are serious handicaps we're talking about here and yet - somehow - we as men show off these negatives sometimes even more often than we boast about the positives. In fact I'll go as far as to say that we will pretend there are no positives in the name of equality!

Of course when you began reading this informative piece you were probably looking for a list, something to take to your significant other and say either "see this is why I can't stand you" or "see this is why you can't stand me", and who am I to deprive you of your moment of triumph. Therefore, I give you the pros, followed by the cons:

PROS:

-Driving, we can do it, others can't, it's that simple

-Athletic ability, testosterone plays a major role in this one

-Emotional consistency (often referred to as the propensity not to over-react, freak-out or otherwise have an anxiety attack over nothing)

-Hand Eye Coordination (sometimes known as the Video Game gene)

-And last but certainly not least: Concentration (specifically the ability to concentrate with unbreakable steadfastness on any television within eye and earshot who's channel is turned to sports)

CONS:

-We won't call you back... no explanation needed

-We can't control what we say, it's not our fault, it's in the genes

-We intimidate easily,  if you're talking to him, and he's male, and he's not related to you, he's a threat

-Wild insecurity masked only thinly by toughness, burping and the ability to grunt like Tim the Tool Man Taylor

-And also last but certainly least: We cannot take a hint, it's literally beyond us to take any and all hints no matter how obviously you put them...

So you see, a Y chromosome is a funny thing, and by funny I mean dangerous, and by thing I mean thing that makes you say things you should probably keep to yourself... oh dear... I think mine is at it again.

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