by Carl Benson

Created on: March 07, 2007   Last Updated: April 19, 2007

The newly elected Democratic Governor of Massachusetts, Deval Patrick, was blindsided unfairly last week when the conservative main stream media globbed on to local papers reporting that he'd spent tax payer money on personal items to the tune of over $120,000. Yeah? What? You got somethin to say about that? What?

The break down:

$27,387 on new office furnishings ($12,000 on drapes)

$21,177 more than allotted for his personal car

$72,000 on a personal aide for his wife

FURNITURE: first of all, the former Gov. and current Mormon millionaire playboy/presidential candidate, Rep. Mitt Romney, stole back the pieces he'd purchased personally, instead of choosing to donate to the state he formerly governed. Classy Mitt, well done. And how do you get the name Mitt?

MOM: I'd like to name him after your father, John.
DAD: Yeah but I loved my little leage baseball glove.

So the new Gov. had to buy furniture and really expensive drapes. Let's face it folks, $12,000 is a small price to pay for keeping that damned sunshine out of your eyes. Especially if you're a vampire.

CAR: of course the car was going to be more expensive, he leased a Cadillac instead of the traditional Crown Vic. I don't know what everyone was so surprised about; Cadillac is synonymous with luxury, and luxury is synonymous with bill the tax payers.

PERSONAL AID: when a man becomes governor, he also becomes extremely busy. This is why Patrick had to hire an aid for his wife to pick up the slack in his absence, now that he was tied up in little things like governing an entire state. The aid will be there to handle things a husband would normally handle; paying the bills, carving the turkey, fixing the leaky faucet, banging the wife, tinkering with the engine of the car, cheating on the wife and a host of other duties that governors just don't have time for . . . well except the cheating bit.

So I am greatly pained when I hear from Gov. Patrick today that, "Oh yeah, we screwed up." Whoa, whoa, whoa . . . whoa. Time out there Patrick. You have no need to kowtow to the conservative media just because their pea sized brains can't comprehend the necessity of Cadillac's, sun insulators and man servants. I mean every governor has a man servant . . . Schwarzenegger's got Maria Shriver doesn't he? So don't back down Gov. Patrick, stick to the guns of your earlier sayings, "The Media has missed the message." Because let's face it, you could never miss the message with your brand new $72,000 handy wife aid.

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