by Kris Koments

Created on: October 25, 2010

All aspects of living require that we communicate one with another.

In all areas of life our communication skills are utilized.  During school, as we grow up, in our careers and with family and friends.  In personal business or household business communication skills are necessary, however, we aren't all born with the skills to communicate- effectively.

• Learning how to

Learning how to ride a bike was a difficult task as a child.  Once we managed to get the bike in its upright position, we tackled the even more difficult task of mounting the equipment while at the same time, keeping it upright.

Can you remember how many tries it took you to mount a bicycle?

Communication is a lot like learning to ride a bike.  It takes awhile and it's not always easy.  It might take a few bumps, bruises and tears, but once the right balance is achieved the only thing left to do is ride.

(The best communicators in the world didn't get there overnight and neither will you.)

• Effective communication

What is effective communication?

The most important thing when communicating is to listen.  After hearing that, you might lean your head to one side as if the answer was obvious. 

Not true.

You might be surprised to know that about half of all couples fail to recognize their lack of communication skills.  Why?  Because they rely on their own definitions of communication rather than the true meaning.

(Just because your mouth is moving and sound is coming out, doesn't mean you are communicating effectively.)

Why communicate at all if the majority doesn't understand what you are trying to communicate, or worse, they turn you off, tune you out and refuse to listen.

• Communication isn't just words. 

In order to communicate effectively all aspects of communication must be examined and put to work.

Body language is a number one communicator.  If your body language suggests anger, then the words that come from your mouth are hardly heard.

Your target has become defensive and is likely to ignore anything you have to say.

Learning to express what you want/need to say while using body language and facial expressions that are engaging and not intimidating or condemning is the most important part of communication.

You have managed to get the attention you need.

• How to keep the attention.

Active participation is not only talking but listening as well, (without butting in.)  Communication is broken down when we refuse to listen. . .

• Have you ever just wanted to make a point?

This is possibly the biggest reason communications break down.

Sometimes we forget to treat others with respect in our haste to get our point across, making them feel foolish in the process.  We unknowingly or unwittingly close the door on effective communication when we force defensive action.

• Defensive action

Defensive action is a reaction born from attack.  When a person begins to feel ridiculed or overwhelmed with accusations they lose interest in your point.  They now have a point they wish to make. . .  Effective communication is lost 

In conclusion

Because learning effective communication skills can take some time and lots of practice, patience is absolutely necessary.  Not everyone will be as open to the prospect as you are, don't be discouraged. 

Remember, it only takes one effective communicator in the bunch for bridges to be restored. . . and the rest will rally around.

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