by Peggy Lindgren

Created on: October 23, 2010

There will come a time when our parents will need our assistance.  This is a fact we all will face if we are fortunate to have our parents live to a ripe old age.  Good communication is necessary between spouses so they are each prepared.  Should the spouse help care for the elderly parent?  Of course, it is a marriage and a commitment.

Our parents may experience many different needs as they age.  Sharing the responsibility helps relieve the stress to everyone involved in the care.  This is a very difficult time in the life of our parents.  There is a point when it becomes apparent they need extra attention.  When a parent loses his /her independence you can be, assured they will not want to ask for help or become a burden.  This is the time we need to step up, as a couple and offer our support.

As a couple, sharing responsibilities is critical to the care of our elderly parents. Take turns driving the parent to the market or to a doctor appointment.  When possible, go together and make the outing a fun experience.  Go to lunch or dinner.  Sharing responsibility makes it feel less of a drain on one person.  As a couple, you have committed to each other to be supportive in good times and in bad.  To expect your spouse to care for his/her parent alone is not fair or kind.

Having a spouse to share the care with is wonderful.  Let your spouse know you appreciate their support during this time.  This is a time when you need to unite and lend a hand to one another.  It will strengthen your marriage and prove your commitment to one another.

There is a strong possibility there will come a day when your parent will no longer be able to live on his/her own.  You will face many difficult decisions.  Having the support of your spouse will make this time more bearable.   You will need to prepare for this time in your parent’s life.  You will need good communication regarding his/her living arrangements and you will need to be honest with your spouse regarding these decisions.  There are many reasons why the parent may or may not be able to live in your home.  Be honest with your spouse regarding your feelings on this matter.

There are many things to take into consideration during this time.  Offering support to your spouse will aid them in making the difficult decisions.  During this time, our parents need us, to step up and offer our unconditional love.  United as a couple we will show our respect to a life that was lived, loving us and proving what it means to be a family.

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