by Cristina Olvera

Created on: October 21, 2010

Everyone goes into a marriage with the intention of making it last forever.  I’m not sure of anyone who gets married and says “Oh this will be fun for 10 years or so and then we’ll just get a divorce and move on.”  I’m sure there is at least one person out there who thinks like that, but it’s definitely not me.

I got married 8 years ago and that was going to be it for me.  I was going to stay with one man for the rest of my life and that was it.  I had my mind and heart set on it.  Unfortunately he did not. Life was good for a while until about three years ago when he decided to throw it all away. He says he only cheated on me one time with one girl.  Like somehow that’s supposed to make it all okay.  I know there was more though.  He can deny it all he wants to, but considering he lied to me repeatedly about the one I found out about, I can’t really say that I trust him…at all.

So here I am at 30, about to go through a divorce and I’m not sure where my life is headed at this point.  I’m excited and scared to death at the same time to be starting over.  I feel like I’m back at 21, young, just starting out, and having no clue what to do next. It’s a strange place to be in, but here I am and I’m determined to survive this.

Divorce, that’s such an ugly word.  I don’t like the way it sounds and I never thought I would have to be going through it.  I guess I was just living in a fairy tale world.  I was convinced that no matter what I was going to live happily ever after.  I know I still will but it’s just not going to be with him.  Learning to love again is going to be so hard.  Well it feels that way now, but if I meet my real Mr. Right maybe everything will fall into place and I’ll realize where I went wrong before.

I’m not sure when I’m going to file for divorce at this point.  Making it final is going to be harder than the day I walked out on him, but I know it has to be done. I just need to get it over with so I can truly begin my new life.  It’s going to be a bumpy road, but I’m going to hold my head up high and keep on keeping on.

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