by Lori Salsgiver

Created on: October 20, 2010

As a mother who voluntarily gave her first child up for adoption to a wonderful couple six years ago, I've experienced the joy of an open adoption arrangement.  Though my 1st daughter is still too young to understand her unique situation, I keep an open dialogue with the adoptive parents.  At the time I gave her up for adoption, I was unmarried and unfortunately the father did not want take responsibility for the baby.  I had to be unselfish and make the best decision for my child and her future. The adoption agency I went through encouraged an open adoption however they made it clear that open adoption was not applicable for every situation.

There are many reasons why mothers choose to voluntarily place their child up for adoption.  Statistically teen mothers surrender their children to be placed up for adoption.  Still growing up themselves, they may not be able to take care of a child yet.  I applaud teen mothers who place their children up for adoption however I don't believe most teens are emotionally developed enough to handle an open adoption.  It is hard to see someone else raise your child and not want to step in.  Another situation in which a mother might place a child up for adoption would be if she was raped and was unable to raise a child.  Who can blame a rape victim for placing a child up for adoption?  In this situation, it probably would not be best to have an open adoption either.  Then there are us women who accidentally got pregnant and realized we were not in a position to raise a child but wanted to what was best for them.  Open adoption could be a good solution for us.  There are children relinquished from their biological parents due to abuse and neglect who probably should not be in an open adoption arrangement.

Open adoption allows you to have open dialogue with the adoptive parents.  You can receive pictures and updates on your biological child.  You can talk on the phone with the adoptive parents to get updates on the child’s growth.  I talk to my adoptive couple once every 3-6 months and we send pictures back and forth.  I have since gotten married and  had two children of my own.  We talk about our families and share stories about the children.  It has been a great experience for me but again it’s not for everyone. 

We’ve already talked about the possibility of meeting each other when my biological daughter

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