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Laying The Groundwork For Communication

Do you remember those times, those dreaded times when you had to tell your parents you had done something wrong? I certainly do! It was a horrifying experience. My mother was so disappointed and disgusted with me. It wasn't as though I was going to be punished. I knew that I was going to lose her love.

A child who fears he has done something so unforgivable in his parents' eyes that he might be no longer loved, becomes a secretive child. At first he will hide little habits he has, then he will tell a lie about a small event. Soon he will not be coming to his parent at all. The lies become larger. By the time the child is in his teens, the parent will not know him.

Then what is the solution for a parent? You certainly can not condone bad behavior. How can you handle discipline, yet still forgive your child and not become estranged?

The basis for good communication begins when your child is very small. It begins with the dialogue that you establish from the time that he is a toddler.

Allow your child to feel good about himself on an everyday basis. Don't just let him hear from you when he has pulled the cat's tail, or spilled his milk, or not picked up his toys. Let him hear from you when he's being good. Help him by showing him how to put his toys in the toy box and tell him how well he is doing it. Try not to label him "bad." He is not really a bad little person, it's what he's done that's bad, so try to address the act itself.

Let your young child spend sufficient time doing an activity that he knows he's especially good at. Don't grab things out of his hands to do them over again. If he wants to be shown he'll ask for your help.

Obviously your child will need to be disciplined at some times. How can you punish your child and yet not make him feel like you're never going to speak to him again?

The main problem most parents have is consistency. Loving parents often feel conflicted when they are punishing their children. However, children need to know what to expect and what the consequences will be for specific behaviors.

First of all, you must set out what the rules are. A child should never have to guess what he's done wrong. You have to tell him and tell him in plain language he can understand. Children often do not understand what you mean when you say "your room's a mess." Make sure he knows where he should be putting his things.

Yelling, screaming and name calling are not punishment. An acceptable punishment for very young

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