by Delon Christensen

Created on: October 14, 2010

Some time ago I was attending a meeting attended by ten people. The discussion got around to some personal descriptions of life, of problems, of fixes and so on. There was a young mother who commented that she was a bad person. After we were dismissed, I said to this young woman that she wasn’t a bad person. I tried to encourage her, to buoy her up so that she would have a more positive opinion on herself. I was quite emphatic about my view that she shouldn’t look to herself in that way. I said that on the basis that she obviously was not a bad person.

We met again. The format of encouraging others was discussed with different ideas and more declarations of helping, self help and so on. Afterwards I engaged in conversation with this same young woman, asking her did she still have the same opinion of herself. Her response was that no, she had a different view of herself and she told me why.

She expressed appreciation at the counsel and encouragement I had given her. It seems like timing is everything in many events in our lives, and she told me that the timing was right for her to receive my comments. She and all of us fall into the trap of beating on ourselves for actions that we deem wrong or inappropriate. We might think....why did I say that....why did I do that... if only I had not been so impatient then such and such would not have happened and so on.

Self talk is a very important part of our everyday living. We might be dealing with something that is going on or might occur in our lives...like an exam....a job interview.....trouble in a relationship, things like that. We know that self talk is a very important part of the process in dealing with any particular event. We can be negative and say, I can’t do it....or we can be positive and say, I will work hard at preparation or whatever, and be successful. We must always strive to encourage ourselves to attain that which might seem impossible.

We all get into crisis mode in some way or another. Knowing that this does and will continue to happen from time to time.....then how will we handle it? Years ago I was attempting to find employment with a major airline. There was quite a procedure to be followed as I jumped through the hoops in my quest to be taken on as a pilot. I was not selected for the job, which was a huge disappointment to me. I went over and over in my head, those things that had transpired in order to figure out where I had gone wrong.

I was disappointed, I beat up on myself, my self talk was very negative and I did myself no favors. We have all been in that situation. I returned to my home with my tail between my legs, thinking very badly of myself. Fortunately, my personality didn’t allow me to stay there very long, for soon, my self talk revived me realizing that there would be other opportunities, and there were.

We all have problems, we also have joy, and self talk plays a big part in that process of being negative or positive. Enjoy the joy we have in our lives and let our self talk reflect that in being and showing gratitude for that joy. Have a problem? Don’t let your self talk beat you into a pulp, rather deal with it quickly, and then get on the positive side. Remember, it’s not necessarily the problem(s) that you encounter, it’s how you handle the problem that counts.

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