by Jae Z

Created on: October 13, 2010

At 29, I believe that I got married rather young. I was 28 when we got married and I know that the average age for a person getting married is about 26 to 27. Still, after being married for a year now, I am positive that I have a good handle on my marriage. However, I find it interesting that those who have been married for 3, 5, 10 years or more find it necessary to tell me about how to go about dealing with marriage. Allow me to have my own mind on how marriage should be. 

From a younger viewpoint, I ask myself, What is marriage? It is "the social union or legal contract between people to create kinship" blah blah blah, yes thank you, WIkipedia. Honestly, I was not thinking about kinship when I decided to marry my husband. I definitely did not marry him for his family nor he for mine. I knew my husband for who he was and what he was about as a person, we spent a lot of time together during the two years we dated. I thought about marriage, just as a general concept, and wanted to get married to this man. I was under the impression that marriage had more to do with love than kinship, at least from an American perspective. Marriage is to be a partnership between two people, a commitment to the other person, one of love and respect. I do not need another married person to tell me this. I may be younger, but I do have the right to experience marriage for myself. Should I need advice, I will definitely ask for it, I do not think myself too proud to ask for help when I need it. However, that is only when I need it. I can appreciate those who have come before me in terms of marital expertise, I look at my parents who have been married for over 20 years as a successful model of what marriage can be.

 I recently read an article on marriage in the 1950s called Women and Marriage: The 1950s Hangover and I had to laugh. In the section titled How to Have a Happy Husband and couldn't believe that it actually said such things as to have dinner on the table,  to be refreshed and gay so that the wife could lift her husband out of a boring day, clean the house before he arrives home so that he is in rest and order. Women were told not to greet their husbands with problems and complaints, to have things quiet by the time he gets there, on and on and on. 

I am glad that this is not the 1950s because then there would be no way I would get married and I think that as part of the younger generation, I can take more of a perspective of equal footing in a marriage. If I did not work full-time, then yes, maybe I would have dinner on the table, but that's still a maybe. Just because I'm a wife does not mean I have to like cooking. Here is the younger generation's outlook on marriage: Love me, respect me and you will receive the same from me. 

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